


Poison

by EzraTheBlue



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Atypical Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Discussion of Abortion, Domestic, Dub-Con Mention, Mpreg, Multi, Polyamory, Scent Marking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-12 16:12:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11740581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EzraTheBlue/pseuds/EzraTheBlue
Summary: Youkai have been forced out of their old family traditions since Gyuumaoh fell, and even now, the youkai working in Houtou Castle have to suppress their natural instincts to protect, to nurture, and to love. The risk of black magic mixing with science was bad enough, but mixing heats and ruts into the Minus Wave would be like tasting cyanide. However, when someone's instincts break through, more than a few lives are in danger. Can Dokugakuji, Kougaiji, and Yaone trust their old instincts, or were the youkai's old ways suppressed for a reason?





	1. Poison

**Author's Note:**

  * For [locketofyourhair](https://archiveofourown.org/users/locketofyourhair/gifts).



> I was having a chat with locketofyourhair on Tumblr, and she mentioned loving the idea of Kougaiji being protective of his kid, as well as A/B/O dynamics. I loved the idea too, and with her permission, I decided to do something with it. I admit this is going to be very atypical A/B/O, mostly because I've never written A/B/O before, and most of the time I find it kind of creepy, so I had to write it in a way that worked for me. I was hesitant to post the fic, but thanks to the encouragement of the Discord chat, I decided to see how the first chapter flew.
> 
> So, enjoy! Or at least let me know what you think.

**Chapter 1: Poison**

Yaone was restocking her medicine kit when it came to her: an unfamiliar scent, sweet like honey, musky like a damp forest. She had to actually cover her nose for a moment; it had been ages since she'd caught someone's natural scent.

Youkai tried to hide their true natures, with soaps, incense, perfumes, or even medicines. The natural tribal orders of alpha, beta, and omega had been eschewed generations ago, when youkai were forced to exist among humans, but no amount of ignoring their instincts could kill them. In towns that were all-youkai, one couldn't walk down the street without recognizing the scent of an omega entering heat or an alpha guarding his territory, but Yaone had only ever visited; her family had lived with humans, pretending they were meant to fit in. She was a beta, yes, so she wouldn't have the crippling, demanding heats of omegas, but she still wondered what it was like to live the way they'd been made by nature.

Yet, even in a castle built by youkai and promulgating a youkai revolution, Gyokumen Koushu had demanded everyone working in the castle use suppressant medicines and scent blockers; the risk of the black magic mixing with science was bad enough, but mixing heats and ruts into the Minus Wave would be like tasting cyanide. She couldn't risk her strongest arms or sharpest minds being lost into youkai instinct. Yaone was certain the strongest scent around was that of Nii Jianyi, only because he was human and carried Koushu's scent on him after lying in her bed and he rarely showered. (Humans couldn't smell the pheromones, and the matter of secondary gender wasn't discussed with humans, so how would he know he reeked of beta?) An omega's scent, after so long in a castle of nothing but what a human could smell, was strange and foreign, and – if Yaone was being honest with herself, inexcusable. Even if they weren't all forced to suppress. That smell was irresistible even to her, and there was nothing alpha about her.

Then again, her temptation wasn't at all lurid; rather, her nurturing instincts were all but crying out for – ah! Her silly instincts, she should know better. Those instincts, that need were nothing but a distraction here and now. Yaone tried to shake it off and get her bearings; after all, if anyone was going to catch an omega's scent, she was likely the safest person in the castle to catch it. Perhaps they'd brought in a new maid, perhaps she didn't know, or perhaps the poor girl was too close to a heat to start suppressants. Yaone considered it her duty to help toe the line, so she closed her back and went to the door of her quarters to look out to see if she could find out who it was, only to find Dokugakuji at her door, a hand half-raised as if he were unsure whether or not to knock.

"Oh!" She gasped, clapping her palms to her mouth, but he hushed her.

"It's just me, it's alright." He put on his easygoing smile, putting both hands over her wrists and gently easing them away from her face. Despite all his confidence, she still felt a quaver of tension in his wrists, as he leaned close and dropped his voice to a whisper, "Can I come in?"

"Of course." Strange, as if their friendship were some great secret. She stepped aside and let him walk past, but glanced around the hall to see if the culprit was still there. There were no signs that anyone but Doku had been there, though the scent still hung heavy in the air.

Dokugakuji had settled himself in the chair next to the fireplace, still stiff with anxiety and wringing his fingers on his lap, and Yaone sat back down at her work chair and turned it to face him. "Is something wrong?"

Doku didn't answer for a moment, but he finally tipped his head side to side, then focused on something next to her head. "I need a favor."

"Anything." She clasped her hands on her knees and tilted her head, trying to catch his eye and failing. Perhaps the scent had him distracted too, and he had just enough manners not to say anything about it. She hoped he didn't think it was her.

"I need..." Dokugakuji weighed his words on the tip of his tongue for a moment, before muttering, "No two ways about it," and saying, "Poison."

"Poison?" Yaone raised an eyebrow. "May I ask--"

"I'd rather you didn't." Doku sank into the chair, slumping as if exhausted, and now that Yaone looked at him in the firelight, he looked ready to collapse. "It's... it's complicated."

"That's alright." She bit her lip and looked to her pack. It was a strange request, but she'd do anything for a friend as close as him. "What kind, how much?"

"I need something strong enough to kill someone small, but not to kill me." Dokugakuji crossed one hand over his chest and drummed his fingers on his bicep. "I need to take this and not die, you understand?"

Yaone's brow knit up, because now she was worried. "Doku? What's gotten into you?" He didn't answer, but she could practically feel the words gumming up in his throat. "Please."

He huffed, then laughed softly, and said, "I've got a parasite. In my gut."

Yaone didn't hesitate a moment longer and began to pick out herbs from her kit. "I can kill a parasite. There's no need to be embarrassed." Just as she pulled out the mugwort, she caught a dizzying whiff of omega scent and had to actually catch herself. "Ah, my--"

"You can smell it, huh?" Doku seemed to relax incrementally, though his focus was now on the plants in her pouch and under her shaking hands. She forced a nervous smile for him.

"It's strong, yes. I'm fortunate enough to be a beta, so if I do go into heat, it's not painful and driving, but..." She trailed off as Doku seemed to dodge her gaze and tense up again, but returned her focus to picking out herbs. "It still... that scent makes me want to comfort and protect."

"Yeah. It's annoying, huh?" He wheezed a staccato, weary laugh, and smoothed his palm down the front of his shirt. "Mom hated it."

"Ah, was your mother omega?" Yaone dropped a few leaves and seeds into the mortar's indent, then ground her pestle into the seeds, rolling it between her palms. Doku, watching intently, nodded.

"Dad was beta. I don't think Gojyo presented, though, definitely not when me and him lived together, and if he did before we met up again, well, I couldn't tell. Unless he's suppressing, in which case, who knows, right? He knew about me, though." His chin dropped to his chest. "Knew how goddamn embarrassing it was to have to hide once a season."

This got Yaone's attention, and she stopped rolling the pestle in the mortar. "You're--" She gasped, as she ran the conversation back through her mind and threw the pestle to the ground. "It's you! And you're asking for poison for--" Dokugakuji's hand was covering his abdomen, and she gasped. "Oh no, no no."

That smell was him. That sweet smell was pregnant omega.

Male omegas were rare but not unheard of, though they usually tried to hide their gender except with those they trusted most. The stereotype of the “bitch male” was something no man wanted, and Dokugakuji was anything but weak. And yet, despite his strong outsides, he had the generous, caring sort of spirit Yaone might have expected of an omega, and now his scent gave him away plain.

"Yeah." He heaved a sigh and slouched deeper into the chair, his palm laying over the lowest frog-clasp on his tunic. "It sucks. And that's why I need your help."

Yaone struggled for words, too many thoughts clashing and garbling: "How -- who?"

Doku didn't answer for a moment, but when he did, it was barely audible: "Kou."

Yaone's jaw fell slack, and Doku exhaled and forced himself to sit up. "When that creep doctor brainwashed him, he 'forgot' to include a command to take suppressants, and, uh, his scent set my heat off.” Dokugakuji sighed and sank back down into her chair. “Pathetic, right? Suppressants can only do so much, especially when you already love the one that's caught your nose. I went into flash heat right through the blockers, he caught a whiff, went wild, and, I mean, I managed to get myself under control pretty quick, but..." He stopped, but Yaone didn't need to hear any more. She was barely even listening.

She was too busy doing the math: "That was four months ago. He's been back to normal for more than three months, and you--"

"Yeah. I know." He grimaced, sliding his hand over his heart. "I didn't have any symptoms, nothing too crazy or that I couldn't chalk up to something else. I was sore, but we'd been training.” She watched as he absently moved his hand down his chest back to his midsection. “I got indigestion, but cooking's rough when we're on the move, and I never trust what I get from the cooks here anyway. I got dizzy, but I thought it was the heat. I think a huge part of me didn't want it to be a pup, but it moved." He clasped his tunic in one big hand, biting his lower lip for a second. "I felt her move, and all my instincts told me that Kou's pup is inside me."

Yaone tried to look at him, but if anything had changed, it had been so gradual she hadn't noticed. She felt sick at heart that she hadn't, and even sicker at what he was asking her to do. "But... even if the circumstances are bad, wouldn't you want to..."

"Gods, I do. Of course I'd rather keep her. I don't want to kill Kou's kid." Doku scrubbed his face with his hand. "Me and Kou, we're closer than friends, closer than brothers. The second I realized, I stopped taking my suppressants. Didn't want to hurt it, you know?” He rested his palm over his eyes, smiling wearily. “I thought, for like ten minutes, that I could keep her and raise her on my own, but... I know he didn't want this, and I know it's just too dangerous for there to be a pup in the picture. Not with that bitch queen holding Kou's leash." He gritted his teeth and clamped down on his middle, pressing the skin inwards. "If Kou's got a pup, then that bitch has one more pawn she can hold over his head. I'm not gonna give her the satisfaction of manipulating him with his own kid."

Yaone took this in, and nodded, ears drooping. He was right, certainly, but it was still dreadful to think of; surely, there had to be some other way! “If this is what you really want...”

“It's not.” Dokugakuji's anger washed back into frustration, and he scowled but slouched over himself. “Of course not. But...” He sank further into her armchair. “It's just not meant to be...”

“If you're sure...” Yaone turned back to her work, trying to resign herself. She could already feel herself empathizing with Dokugakuji; how could she be so close to someone without naturally falling into his pace? However, she also understood. She'd had to make this exact same poison before, though a mistake in her calculations made it such that she'd never have to take it again. She had known what it was to _have to_ get rid of a baby. “I know what to give you, and it will only take a moment for me to make it. Would you like to have Lord Kougaiji here with you for support?”

Dokugakuji flinched, but shook his head. “N-nah, it's fine. I can handle this.”

Yaone's heart jumped into her throat, thick and bitter in her windpipe. “You didn't tell him, did you?”

Dokugakuji turned his head and refused to answer, and that was answer enough. Yaone swallowed her emotions, and turned back to her work. “I can't make you, but you should tell him, if only so he can help you through this.”

“It's alright,” he muttered, though his hand slid back to cover his heart. “It's alright. He'd just get upset.”

Yaone could feel the pain in his chest as if it were her own. She, Dokugakuji, and Kougaiji weren't bonded, though sometimes she wished she could have both of them mark her as theirs and for them to have each other. She still loved them and ached for them, and she wasn't sure she'd seen Dokugakuji in more pain than this very moment. Even his scent had changed, dulled, streaked with bitter notes and salt like tears. However, she took the powder from the mortar and put it in a mug, then added some water from the pitcher beside her bed and stirred it.

“This will cause the placenta to detach from the uterus and trigger contractions. You'll pass the remains in about twelve hours.”

Dokugakuji took the mug and swirled the water around. “It'll hurt, right?” Yaone pursed her lips but nodded, and he put some steel in his spine and started to lift the mug by the handle.

“If you back out, if you don't do it--” Yaone choked the words back, regretting them as soon as she started to say them. “I won't think less of you, I'll do anything I can to help.”

“I can't bring a pup into a world where I think she might get hurt.” He shook his head. “I'd sooner eat her. This avoids that mess.”

“Kou would take care of you, too.” Yaone crossed her fingers that something might sway him, even if it meant causing a little more pain. She could feel his heart pang, saw him wince at it. “Please, tell him. You keep calling the baby a 'her,' I keep hearing you – Kougaiji will love _her._ He'll protect her, he'll never let her feel a second of pain or sadness!”

“You're making this harder.” Dokugakuji sighed. “Kougaiji's my best friend, and a good lover, and I'd follow him to the ends of the Earth. He carries too much on his shoulders already. I can't put a pup on his back too.” He stared pensively into the mug, the murky water. “This is how it has to be. If there's ever a time when a pup won't be a millstone, maybe then, but until then, I have to fix...”

The door flew open in that instant, and Kougaiji, dressed down for sleep but obviously wide awake, burst in, looking around frantically as if he'd lost something. He fixed his gaze on Dokugakuji, then crossed the room in three strides. “I could scent you.” He grabbed at Doku's collar and yanked him to a stand. “And I heard you. A pup isn't a millstone, a baby is not a problem in need of solution! I don't care whose it is, I want an explanation!”

Yaone gasped and stumbled back, but she scented a bitter mix of alpha and panic on Kougaiji. He'd probably sniffed Dokugakuji out from across the castle, suppressants be damned, and now he was staring Doku down with tears in his eyes. “Lord Kougaiji, please calm down.” Yaone rested her palms on his shoulders and tried to ease him down, as Dokugakuji gripped the mug so tight it began to crack. “He's in a delicate way, you're frightening him.”

“But!” Kougaiji ground his teeth together, then took a step back. “Why didn't you tell me you were omega? Or about the pup?”

Doku visibly struggled with himself, whether to answer, what to say. “Kou--”

“Tell me.”

There was command in those words, and Kougaiji had gotten emotional enough that his scent had spiked through the air. Doku, despite his strength, felt his instincts make him shrink, and the word spilled out: “Alpha.” He lowered his eyes in submission, and Kougaiji sucked in a breath.

“Don't do that!" Kougaiji visibly strained to gather himself and suppress himself again. "I didn't mean it like that! I'm not going to force you to answer, but...” Kougaiji struggled for words, hands scrabbling up to Doku's shoulders. “I spend the entire day catching whiffs of omega and being drawn to it, and when I finally find that it's you, you're talking about a pup like it was a bad thing. Did something happen?” His grip tightened. “Were you forced? Manipulated? I won't let it stand!”

“It's not that.” Doku shook his head and managed to lift his face again, but took hold of Kougaiji's hands to make him loosen his grip. “It's someone I would have consented to if I hadn't gone into heat anyway.”

“Please,” Yaone whispered, edging a little closer to the pair of them. “Tell him.”

Dokugakuji looked between Yaone, Kougaiji, and the mug of medicine water, and grimaced. “It's yours.”

He explained the circumstances to Kougaiji, knees locked, face lowered, and Kougaiji, horrified, gradually released Dokugakuji and backed away. Dokugakuji's instincts cried out to see his friend, his lover – _his,_ bond or no bond – retreating from him, but he couldn't make himself move to drag him back. “I did that,” Kougaiji moaned, his voice watery. “I... I'm sorry. I never meant to--”

“Of course you didn't!” Dokugakuji grabbed the mug again, hand shaking. “But that's not why I'm getting rid of it. You've been held hostage to that hag's whims for Lirin before, and you're stuck working for her because of your mother!” Kougaiji's face fell at the accusation, as Dokugakuji narrowed his eyes to angry little slits. “What do you think she'll do to your kid, Kou?”

“I tried to tell him, Lord Kougaiji,” Yaone protested, daring to step from her desk towards them. “That you'd support him, that you'd protect her, but--”

“No.” Kougaiji held a hand up to stay Yaone. He hung his head low and held his hands up. “He knows. Of course you know I'd care for... her.” He dared glance up to Dokugakuji for a moment, then back down, clearly choking back emotion. “Do you think it's a girl?”

It was Dokugakuji's turn to wince. “Kou...”

“No.” He shut his eyes tight. “I can't think about it like that...” He swallowed thickly before he could speak again. “I can't force you to have a pup because I lost control of myself.”

That got Doku to choke up. “I don't care how it happened, Kou; I'd have your pup, but it's just not safe.”

"Your decision is yours alone." Kougaiji gathered himself up and pushed his chest out, but his expression was wobbling, failing to wall back the complex wealth of emotions swirling inside him. "If you choose to end this, I'll support and stand behind your choice."

Dokugakuji broke eye contact and looked down into the mug, then set it aside. "That's my prince talking." He set his shoulders back. "I want to know what you have to say, as a man. As my lover. As an alpha, even."

Kougaiji hesitated, but only for a second, before muttering, "That I don't care how difficult it will be, how much of a burden you think it might be, or how much danger there is. If it is a girl, she's my daughter, my pup, _mine_." Without thinking, he took Dokugakuji's hand in his. "I'll take care of her and protect her like I do everyone else."

Dokugakuji ran his thumb over Kougaiji's knuckles, then turned his hand and pressed his palm against his midsection. "She's moving. Can you feel her?"

Kougaiji inhaled, but pressed his palm flat. "Y... yes. It's faint, but it's there. I can't see her through your clothes, though..." He frowned again. "You said it was months ago. If she's moving..."

"She should be bigger, yeah. I only just stopped taking suppressants." Doku released Kougaiji's hand, but he left it against Doku's side. "She might be sick already."

"There's still time. She can grow." Kougaiji did draw back now, cautious optimism flickering behind a guarded expression made only more obscure by the dim firelight. "If... if you want to keep her, of course."

Yaone watched an unspoken conversation pass between them, but after a few seconds, Dokugakuji threw his arms around Kougaiji and held him tight in embrace. “We have to protect her from that rotten bitch, Kou.”

Kougaiji bowed his head into Dokugakuji's shoulder and wrapped his arms around his back. “I will. I swear it, on my honor.” Yaone smiled to herself, stepping back and taking up the mug.

“Then... we won't need this?” She held it up, and both men turned towards her, Kougaiji with a grimace, and Dokugakuji, bereft, before shaking his head.

“I'm still gonna need your help, but I wanna weather this storm.” Doku managed a weary smile, then opened an arm to her. “You think you're ready to help me with a pup?”

Yaone cautiously stepped closer, knowing that this was a special moment for the two of them and it was wrong to intrude, but Dokugakuji looped an arm out and dragged her in. "We're all in this together, right?"

"Yes." Kougaiji smiled and slid one hand up to Yaone's shoulder. "The three of us, together – we can do this."

Yaone felt Dokugakuji work the mug from her palm, then loose himself of both of them as he took a step back. He dumped the water out the window, then turned back, new steel in his gaze. "I need to know how this kid's gonna be safe. We need a game plan."

"You'll have one." Kougaiji nodded tersely, and both Yaone and Dokugakuji could feel confidence rolling off of him, in his posture, in his scent, in his everything. This was alpha, prince, man, and lover – enough to soothe anyone.

Their instincts hadn't been dulled that much; they both knew they could trust Kougaiji in this.

Or at the very least, they all hoped.

 


	2. Pest Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kougaiji manages needs and instincts, with an eye on the things that matter most...

**Pest Control**

Kougaiji kissed the stone pillar beneath his mother's feet. His mouth burned at the touch of the wards, but he smeared his lips clean and looked up at her where she hung, strung out like a martyr. Every time he contemplated her face, it solidified his somber knowledge that he may never get her back, that she was merely a carrot before a stubborn horse, or a mechanical rabbit in front of a dog. If ever did attain her release, it would likely be only to bury her corpse. Some part of him knew this as fact. He was certain his partners thought the same, too, and that they only let him continue on the path he took because they were loyal to him. Still, he couldn't give up hope for her. Some days, that faint hope was all he had.

Today wasn't one of those days. He had something else to hope for.

"Mother," he whispered into the wards. "I'm going to be a father. You'll have a granddaughter soon." He touched the pillar again, his fingertips burning, but bowed his head with reverence. "I'll show her all the love you showed me when I was small. I hope you get a chance to meet her, too."

He stepped back again, shaking off the pain that had flared through his hand, and took Rasetsunyo in a moment longer. Then, he turned and departed, resolved that his daughter would never stare longingly at him from behind cursed seals, nor he at her. He would not have another pillar to chain him back.

* * *

A situation like this was akin to handling fire: easy enough, but it required close control.

The first order of business was resolving how they would continue to carry out their duties, Kougaiji to Gyokumen Koushu, and Dokugakuji and Yaone to Kougaiji.

The decision was simple enough, hashed out in a matter of minutes in Yaone's bedroom in the servants' quarters (the one place they could be almost certain their conversations would remain private). Kougaiji had to continue to follow Koushu's orders. However, he would start to insist on doing them alone.

Doku's duty shift was simple: "I will say you are with me, but I will expect nothing of you, Dokugakuji. You owe me nothing." Kougaiji hated the slight wince that crossed Dokugakuji's features at these words. "You're doing enough. I can't ask you to fight for me, guard me, or defend me. It's my duty to watch over you now, and if I can't do that, if I'm away, then I'll ask Yaone to help you in my stead."

"Kou, I'm not fragile." Dokugakuji crossed his arms.

"She is." Kougaiji indicated Dokugakuji's middle with a nod. In the twelve hours since Kougaiji had found out there would be a pup, and in the single day that Dokugakuji had stopped his hormone suppressants, there was a tiny, tiny curve of visible evidence that there was someone else sharing Dokugakuji's broad frame. "I can't risk you getting hurt when she's depending on you for safety."

Dokugakuji frowned, but put his hands up in a shrug. "Fine. Guess I made that choice when I decided to keep her."

Yaone, who had watched their exchange from over the edge of a pregnancy guide, sighed from her chair. "It's not like we've had a lot of missions lately, anyway. Have we heard anything about the Sanzo party's whereabouts?"

"Reports stated that they're traveling with the Hazel Grouse party, but that was a week ago." Kougaiji looked to her, shrugging. "I heard a rumor about them being separated, but it's unsubstantiated."

"With luck, we won't have to substantiate it ourselves," Doku muttered, eyes flicking to the ground. "Then again, maybe..."

"Your brother." Kougaiji finished Dokugakuji's thought. "Do you want to tell him?"

Dokugakuji sucked his lower lip in for a moment, then shook his head. "Not... not yet. Maybe when it's all over. Maybe when it's safe for anyone but us to know she exists."

The next order of business was to figure out what Dokugakuji needed to feel safe. "We're going on instincts here, right?" Dokugakuji scratched his head at Yaone's question. "I mean, I don't know what it means, doing stuff like this..."

"It doesn't especially mean anything, only that your body will tell you what it needs." Yaone turned another page in her book, skimming the text again. "You came to me because you felt unsafe, right? You should feel safe, it'll help her."

Dokugakuji snorted, muttering, "Jeez, fine, treat me like the weakling."

"Doku..." Yaone put the book down and clasped her hands together in plea.

"It's for our daughter's sake." Kougaiji presented unyielding steel, a sharp glare. "Let us help care for you."

Dokugakuji sulked, but gestured acquiescence with a sullen nod, lacing his fingers at his hipline as he thought. "I want somewhere away from the castle. There's no way she can live here. I want her to have a safe home, and I want it to be ready before she is."

"A safe house. Good idea." Yaone smiled her approval, but Kougaiji lowered his eyes.

"It needs to be close enough to here that if I'm summoned, I can get back quickly, but still at least somewhat remote. I'm not an unfamiliar face."

"I have time to look." Doku nodded, and ran a hand over his midsection as he lowered his head in contemplation. “And... Kou...” He motioned nervously. “I need clothes. Yours. With your scent on them.”

Kougaiji puzzled over this, turning his arms over and picking at his jacket. “I mostly only wear these clothes.” Dokugakuji slouched uncomfortably, and Kougaiji nodded as he thought and crossed his arms. “But I can wear sparring gear more often, and I'll pass it to you after wearing it.” He smiled contently. “You want to have my scent with you, do you?”

Dokugakuji didn't answer immediately, instead edging back, his arms protectively folded over his middle. “It'll help block mine. And... being able to smell you makes me feel... safe.”

He'd looked so humiliated to admit it, though it was subtle under his proud brow. Kougaiji's heart lurched at the slight downward twitch of the lips, the faint furrow in his brow. He couldn't help but step close and rest his chin on Dokugakuji's shoulder, where his scent could meld with Dokugakuji's that little bit more. "You should feel safe. I want you to have that." The way Dokugakuji relaxed against him broke his heart a little more. Kougaiji felt compelled to hold him a little tighter, then extended a hand to Yaone. "You should scent him too."

Yaone's cheeks went pink, but she approached the embrace. Before the awkward questions of how could arise, Dokugakuji slung one big arm around her and pulled her in against him. Kougaiji could feel how warm her face was near his breast, and roped his arm around her too. Dokugakuji seemed to relax against them, and Yaone rubbed her cheek to his breast and whispered, "We'll protect you, like you've protected us."

"Sheesh," he muttered sheepishly, smiling into Kougaiji's shoulder. "Gonna make a guy feel spoiled."

"I think omegas should be spoiled a little," Yaone admitted, smiling back into the dark center of the embrace that united them. "Pups, too."

"She'll be spoiled rotten, if I've got anything to do with it," Kougaiji declared, then stood back a little. Something strange, like an errant cloud on a moonless night, passed over his heart as he actually saw Dokugakuji and Yaone side by side, still entwined.

Stronger than ever, he got that possessive feeling: these are _mine._ I will protect them.

* * *

Watching Doku climb onto a dragon gave Kougaiji chills in his belly every time he did it now. “I'm fine, hey?” Dokugakuji settled into the saddle, straddling it with a little more care than usual, and patted the dragon's neck. “I've been doin' it this long and I'm fine.”

“But you know now.” From here, Kougaiji could see where Dokugakuji had wrapped Kougaiji's headband around one wrist, and he could smell himself, but still, just as strongly, Dokugakuji's natural scent, and it was making something in him itch. Kougaiji tentatively approached the long-distance dragon, but the beast turned and gave a soft warning growl. Kougaiji growled back, then clapped a hand to his mouth and swallowed, before looking right at Dokugakuji. “There's a lot riding on you.”

“I've never fallen, never had any problems flying. Don't get all weird on me now.” Dokugakuji grinned, as if this were typical. It wasn't. So much had changed overnight, and Kougaiji couldn't put it from his mind. He got as close as he dared to the dragon, to Dokugakuji.

“Just until you find a safe place to nest. A safe house, a secluded cabin, somewhere you feel safe staying. And then, you'll stay there unless you need to – _need_ – to make an appearance here.”

“I'll look hard,” Doku chuckled.

“And if you're not back by sundown, I'm sending Yaone after you.” Kougaiji crossed his arms. “And mounting my own dragon to search the other way.”

“I'll be back.” Doku reached down towards Kougaiji. “I promise. We'll come back to you as quick as we can.”

“Dokugaku!” Both men turned to see Yaone running across the yard towards him with a satchel in hand. She handed it up to him. “You should take a good lunch in case you're out a while.”

“Ah, for heaven's sake.” Dokugakuji rolled his eyes, but took the leather pouch and strapped it to his side, smiling sheepishly. “I'm fine, we're fine. You two cover for me.”

“Of course.” Yaone bowed a little. She and Kougaiji stood back as Dokugakuji got the air under his dragon's wings and launched.

It was hard for both of them to watch him go, but Yaone wrapped a hand around Kougaiji's. “We should actually maintain his cover. There's plenty to do here, and we can trust him.”

Kougaiji could smell comfort and good intention radiating off of Yaone, the emotion thick under her cloyingly sweet perfume. “Yeah.” He felt her start to pull away, but held her hand tight. “Wait. Just another second. Your natural scent is... it's good.” He felt her lean a little closer, heard her reverently murmuring his name, and closed his eyes.

The relationship between the three of them had come so naturally, an unspoken thing. Kougaiji had been able to find comfort in either of them whenever he needed it. He couldn't even remember how it had begun. He'd be meditating or contemplating something or other (“sulking,” as Doku often put it), and Doku would come and sit with him, or Yaone would bring tea and hold his hand. Those soft touches turned too easily to intimacy, but he never forced a claim on either of them. He still recalled his instincts before Gyokumen Koushu began to force suppressants down his throat: the desire to mate and bond, the glory of a rival's blood on his teeth, the violence that came with the raw need of a rut (and the pity that chased when he was faced with the beta or omega that had helped him in the aftermath). They were not all fond memories, but at the same time, the warmth of an omega, pliant under his hands, the sweet scent that stirred him to near frenzy and drove him to satisfy, and the satisfaction he got from pleasing whatever omega had trusted him enough with their lives and bodies to guide them through the heat, he missed those.

Waking up to a world where he couldn't smell the scent of anyone around him, no alphas to rouse his spirit of competition, no beta or omega, was like waking up having lost a limb, or opening his eyes and discovering he'd gone blind in the night.

Sitting and waiting in the night for his lover to return was much the same, a certain numbness. Kougaiji watched the skies all day for the long-distance dragon to return, but it was late before he finally saw its shadow cross the clouds. He didn't run down to meet him, too nervous about drawing suspicion, but waited on the end of his bed, tense and gripping at his sheets. Sure enough, he heard the door open after just a few minutes of waiting, and his mind was flooded with the light and color of his omega's presence. Dokugakuji sat heavily beside him and, without a word, laid his head on Kougaiji's shoulder.

“Need you,” he murmured. “I'm so tired.”

“I understand. I'm here.” Kougaiji nuzzled at the scent gland on his neck, then kissed over it. He tasted so good, so sweet. Kougaiji wanted nothing but to make him comfortable and happy. “Here.” He removed the shirt he'd worn during the day and laid it in Dokugakuji's lap. “Take it.”

Dokugakuji grabbed the shirt in both hands, lifted it to his nose, and inhaled. “It smells like you. Perfect.” Doku rubbed the shirt to his forehead, then set it aside. “I don't want it to lose that, though.” He grinned sheepishly. “You probably think I'm nuts, huh?”

“I think you're an omega who needs his alpha's care.” Kougaiji nuzzled his nose to Dokugakuji's neck again. “Let me grant you that, and in spades.” He smirked wryly. “After all, you're technically carrying a prince's scion. You deserve to be treated as well as you need.”

“All that matters to me is that this kid is yours, and they're safe.”

“I want to meet your needs,” Kougaiji muttered, then slid from his seat on his bed to rest his ear on Doku's thigh. Doku stilled with surprise, then, hesitantly, wove his fingers into Kougaiji's hair and stroked it. “Will it help you to build a nest? You can make one here for now.”

“It won't be a nest until it only smells like us. I don't want a whiff of your stepmother near our kid.” Dokugakuji shivered a little, almost imperceptible under Kougaiji's cheek, but continued to rub his hair. “Just you, me, and Yaone. Those are the only people I'm gonna feel safe around."

"And I will give you whatever you need to feel safe." Kougaiji kissed the inside of Doku's knee. "Yaone, too, she'll tell you the same. Do you want her here with us, right now?"

Dokugakuji seemed to think absently for a moment, then shook his head. "It can just be us for a few more minutes. Then, maybe it can be all of us."

"Whatever you want." Kougaiji let his eyes shut as Dokugakuji continued to toy with his hair.

Dokugakuji had always been the stronger of them, Kougaiji knew that for certain. Always the broad shoulders to bear heavy loads, ever the shield to Kougaiji's sword. He wasn't sure Dokugakuji had ever made himself vulnerable before. The side of him that was Doku's friend wanted to help build him back up. The side of him that was his lover relished the chance to spoil him.

Maybe it was the alpha in him, too. He knew he could feel that side of himself rumbling with satisfaction to see Dokugakuji curled in his bed, sleeping, one big hand resting protectively over his navel.

Dokugakuji asked little of him, but then, he'd never been the type to advocate for himself particularly strongly. He'd always been the one to stand for Kougaiji, to encourage him to stand for himself, even against Gyokumen Koushu. Kougaiji knew he could beg and plead for Dokugakuji to put himself first, like every prince put his peoples' interest before his own, but Dokugakuji would smile and shake his head.

"I know what you're trying to do and I appreciate it, but I'll let you know what I need when I need it."

Kougaiji always gave whatever was asked. The shirt off his back (Kougaiji was satisfied to see him wearing his clothes under his own or holding them to his breast in his sleep), an extra ration of rice (Kougaiji would give him the food off his plate if there were no other option), money or even just the time he could spare.

Kougaiji also learned, purely by accident, that Dokugakuji confided much more in Yaone for things he wanted or needed. He hadn't heard Dokugakuji return for the night and had gone to check on Yaone, when he heard the two of them talking, Yaone's dulcet tones soothing him even through the door:

"It's alright. You should be happy about it."

"Yeah, I know, but it's... it's scary. Knowing it's actually happening." Kougaiji edged closer to her door to listen, pressing his ear to the panel. "I guess I still thought, maybe... maybe she won't come. Maybe I was just imagining her moving." He paused. “And maybe she'd left when she thought I didn't want her.”

"But she hasn't, she's here. I know I'm excited. I'll start to work on it right now!" Kougaiji heard the rattle of Yaone opening her trunk. "My sewing kit's in here somewhere..."

"It's not a huge rush, not a big deal," Dokugakuji muttered, and Yaone tsked him.

"If I don't hurry, you won't have pants to wear. All your clothes are going to be a little small soon, aren't they?"

Kougaiji's heart leapt into his throat – _the baby had grown! She was getting bigger!_ – and he wanted to throw the door wide like he had the first night he'd known she was a possibility in the first place and hold onto both of his lovers tight, to celebrate somehow. That was only chased by the haunting thought that Dokugakuji had been wondering if she even would grow.

Kougaiji knocked. "Yaone, are you awake still?"

He heard the pair of them whisper, until Yaone answered, "Yes; did you need something?"

"Dokugakuji's not back and I'm worried. Did he say how far he'd be going today?"

There was a long beat of near-silence, and this time, Kougaiji could barely hear their hushed argument, before Yaone said through the door, “He only just got back.”

“Yeah, uh, I kinda had to take the long way around to get back in.” Kougaiji felt a wash of relief when Dokugakuji spoke to him directly, and even more relief at Yaone's whisper of, 'tell him why, tell him why!' He'd kiss the woman for it later. Doku sighed, and added, “My, uh, clothes kinda gave out on me. I didn't wanna get caught half-naked in the daylight.”

“Your clothes?” Kougaiji smiled wryly to himself, but pretended the part of the worried alpha: “Tell me you weren't attacked.”

“You're laughing at me, I can hear it.” Kougaiji knew Dokugakuji was smiling too, and Yaone slid the door open just enough for Kougaiji to slip in to see Doku wearing a sheet over his bare legs. “My waistline got into a fight with my waistband and, uh, the pup won.” He undid the lowest clasp on his tunic and showed the little swell of his stomach – distinct now, not just a tiny curve, an actual bump. Kougaiji wouldn't have noticed unless he'd been looking, but he was, even as Dokugaku managed a wobbly smile. “She grew.”

“She grew.” Kougaiji didn't have to think twice before sinking to his knees and throwing his arms around Dokugaku's waist, rubbing his cheeks and the sides of his throat to the little round sitting at his hips. His daughter wasn't even alive yet, but she needed to smell like him. Doku did, too. Kougaiji stood once he was sure Doku's little tummy smelled sufficiently like him, then wrapped his arms around his shoulders properly. “I want to mark you. Let me, please.”

Dokugakuji didn't answer with words, but by unclasping the top of his tunic to expose his neck, where the pheromones were strongest. Kougaiji felt a tiny rumble of jealousy to see the remnants of a bond bite on the left side of his neck, and traced it. “You bonded with Yaone?”

Doku chuckled sheepishly. “Just a bond, but yeah. She's, uh, been a lot calmer than you.”

Kougaiji frowned. “I've been calm.”

“You've been pretending to be, but come on, I know you.” Dokugakuji smoothed Kougaiji's hair back. “You've been fretting over me.” He leaned back, exposing his neck a little more. “But go on. I kinda want your mark on me anyway.”

Kougaiji could never figure out how to express how very grateful he was that Dokugakuji was as strong as he was. He rested his jaw in the crook of Dokugakuji's shoulder and neck, then craned his neck down and sunk his teeth into the soft spot where he knew the scent gland was. He longed to bite and sink into him, to mark him as mate, there was no hiding a mating mark and he couldn't ask just yet. Not until he was sure it would be safe to give himself over completely.

He could feel Doku's anxiety in his pulse, and then in his own head and heart, the trepidation of the path he walked, but then, a little bit of mirth, joy, warm affection, and it chased Doku's worries back. Kougaiji swallowed against the wall of emotion, then pivoted back to Yaone.

"Can I bond you, too? I want to share with both of you."

Yaone dropped her sewing kit, then quickly nodded. "A burden shared is a burden halved." She went to unbutton the top of her shrug, but Kougaiji stayed her hand.

"Neither of you are a burden. I... I want both of you to feel my presence guarding you."

This caught Yaone off-guard, her mouth forming an unspoken gasp, and Doku chuckled.

"Alphas." He stepped in and helped remove her shawl, exposing the pink bruise on the side of her neck. "It's okay. It feels good, right? Call me nuts, but..." He bowed his head and kissed the bruise, then spoke into her skin: "I like having both of you at my side, too." He bit down a little, and Kougaiji took her little flinch as convenient distraction and left his mark on the other side. When the pair of them released, Kougaiji exposed his bare throat.

"Mark me back, Yaone."

Yaone, her neck flushed and her face somehow hotter, faintly squeaked. "Lord Kougaiji, I--!"

"It's alright. Haven't we shared enough that we're as good as equals now? I don't want you to call me Lord ever again." He tilted his head as she hesitated, before finally giving him a gentle nibble on the throat – just enough to bruise him. She backed away, covering her mouth in shock, but he couldn't help but laugh and squeeze her hand. “Was that alright?”

“L-l – ah, K-kougaiji.” She swallowed, and nodded hard. “You... you taste good.” She covered her face to hide a roaring blush, and Kougaiji chuckled and rubbed over the mark she'd left on him, helping to calm her.

“We can share that whenever you want. The three of us, it's our shared right and honor.” Then, he turned back to Dokugakuji, and though he'd thought he knew what he wanted to say, looking on him, actually at peace and content, made him lose the words. Instead, he knelt, bowed his head and nuzzled the bump again. Yaone's presence, Dokugakuji's scent, and the solid knowledge that his baby daughter was healthy, these made him feel whole, complete, safe.

The pillar he had to kneel at to be with his family felt so distant.

* * *

Doku came to him in the night and roused him with a nip to his neck. Kougaiji opened his eyes in surprise, because that was the instinctive move of a mate, something one mate did to another, but before Kougaiji could ask him to do that every time, Dokugakuji hushed him. “Quiet, quiet,” he whispered, motioning. “Grab some of your stuff, clothes, pillows, blankets, I've got a bag.”

Kougaiji's heart raced – nesting materials. “Tell me where you want me to carry it.”

“Shh.” He passed Kougaiji a sack, his eyes sparking in the dark. “I'll wake Yaone. I want to take you somewhere on the dragons. I want both of you to come.”

In what felt like minutes, Kougaiji was mounting his dragon. Dokugakuji seated himself side-saddle, bracing himself carefully on the dragon's back, but sitting in a way that was surely easier on his shifting balance as he nudged the stirrup and guided the dragon into the air. Yaone followed behind, and they soared through the moonlit night into the hills surrounding Houtou Castle. Dokugakuji led them over the western crests, then down into a valley laden with dense, black trees. There was a tiny little house here, its windows dark, its chimney empty, and when Dokugakuji opened the door, the room was cold. Not like the well-attended castle, but more isolated.

“I found an old couple who'd died here in their bed, y'know, together,” Doku explained as he lit the a lantern on the table and started to put some logs in the fireplace, as Kougaiji and Yaone watched from the door, Kougaiji still carrying his clothes and sheets. “Figured it was a good omen, kinda. I buried 'em side by side and cleaned everything out, and managed to get a few things in here.” As he lit some papers in the fireplace to catch the logs and the room filled with a golden glow, Kougaiji could see the bedroom behind him with one big bed, and in the main room, a rocking chair and a crib. His chest seized up, and Kougaiji immediately approached the empty crib and dumped his pillows in.

“Our daughter can stay here.” He tucked the pillows in, rapt. Already he could scent a little of Dokugakuji throughout the room, and the more his senses awoke to his old instincts, the more he found himself attached to that scent, and he wanted to smell himself and Yaone all throughout this place. He spun around to Yaone. “We should stay here as much as possible. This will be our den, this will be where our pup is safe.”

This could be his. More valuable than the whole of Houtou Castle, birthright or no. This place, with these people, that was all he wanted. This was something to hope for.

When he kissed Dokugakuji on the neck, his heart felt warm and everything felt right.

 


	3. Remedy and Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The situation thickens, and Kougaiji bears the weight of the world trying to protect everything he cares for. He has his own needs and fears, too, but he knows why he has to bear it out. It's his responsibility, and there's a great reward in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience! I've finally gotten the inspiration for this story again, so hopefully you enjoy this installment and I can get the next one done soon!
> 
> Warning for sex, sexual situations of varying comfort levels (both consensual, but one a little more forceful than the other), and non-graphic description of childbirth.

**Remedy and Recovery**

“Big brother!” Kougaiji heard Lirin's footsteps behind him in the long hall between the entry hall and the resurrection room, but he'd caught her scent first. It had made all the hairs on the back of his neck raise – it didn't help that he'd been summoned for a direct audience with Gyokumen Koushu, putting him on edge to start, but he was reacting like that to every alpha, even his own baby sister. Lirin skidded to a halt behind him, grinning enthusiastically as she fastened onto him in a hug. “Where've you been?! It's like I hardly see you outside of lessons, and we don't have lessons nearly as much anymore!”

“I've been busy, and you know it.” He eased her back. Alpha females weren't a threat, he knew that for sure, but his instincts were getting stronger the longer he was off of his suppressants and the longer Dokugakuji was off of his. He was sure there was at least a significant whiff of pregnant omega on him, and even if Lirin wouldn't know what that smell meant specifically, if she had any instincts behind that ditzy little sharp-toothed grin, she'd get an itch to do something about it. Luckily, for now, she was just pouting at him.

“You gotta promise me we're gonna train more soon! You gotta teach me how to kick butt! I wanna learn to summon Engokugi!”

“Engokuki, and we'll see.” Kougaiji pivoted around and continued towards the resurrection room. “Did Koushu want you, too?”

“No, but I wanted you! Lirin's been lonely!” Lirin seized his hand, and Kougaiji heaved a sigh and halted again as she tugged his arm. “Doku-doku's never around, and Yaone's been gone too! It's just the servants, and they're fun for a while but I know they don't really like me like all of you do! C'mon, Kou, please take me with you sometimes!”

“Lirin--”

“Please!” She pouted and yanked his arm, hard enough to hurt. Kougaiji lunged for her, snapping his jaw, and she squeaked and jumped back. Then, he realized what he'd done.

“Ah.” He covered his mouth. “I...”

“Whoa!! Scary!!” Lirin squealed, hopping up and down. “See, this's why you're the boss! You're tough! You have to promise to teach me to be scary, too!”

Kougaiji sucked his pride in and tried to put his shoulders back and lift his chin, but he couldn't keep his face from tipping towards the floor. “Being a leader isn't about being scary. It's about authority. Knowing when to be strong and when to be kind.” That gave him an idea. “I'm sorry I've been busy, but promise me you'll practice being kind, and I'll start introducing you to our people as our princess.”

Lirin's face brightened. “Practice being kind?”

“Yes. Practice being gentle, and using polite words. Be nice to the servants, it's part of _noblesse oblige_. If you can show me that you are not just strong, but kind, then I can start letting you do more.” He rubbed her head with his hand, and she hugged him. He grimaced for a split second at the thought of carrying another alpha's scent on him, but it was very much like his own.

Lirin was pack, too, but Kougaiji hadn't told her about the pup. Not yet. He wanted to make sure she understood the weight of his undertaking, the balance he had to maintain. Besides, Lirin had been too young to know about the balance of alpha, beta, and omega, and probably didn't even realize how much her hormones had been restricted. Despite it all, she was family. He'd tell her and introduce her to her niece or nephew when the time was right.

Kougaiji couldn't be sure when that would be, but ensuring she could be gentle with his pup was a good first step. He had two months, by his, Yaone, and Doku's best estimates, to watch over Lirin and see if she could practice being kind.

As Lirin bounded off, Kougaiji turned around again and continued on his way to the resurrection room. This was the true danger.

Gyokumen Koushu stood gazing into the horrible tank at the metal chamber that contained his father. Kougaiji would have pitied her, since he knew what it was to stare at a loved one from a distance and be unable to touch them, talk to them, have them close. However, he wasn't at all certain how much she even loved his father, or anyone or anything, because he could faintly smell sex on her dress and there had been no sign of Nii Jianyi in weeks, and though she smiled in her simpering way when she turned to face him, Kougaiji could see acid in her eyes.

“Prince Kougaiji, it has been some time since we have had to speak. Update me on your progress in searching for the remaining sutras.” She gathered her robe about her arms, subtly shifting her chest in such a way that her breasts swayed in her loose gown. Kougaiji had an inkling she meant to seduce him, or to appear she was seducing him, but he knew that she knew it fruitless. He knew what she was under her polished surface, and that she bothered pretending at all was, in all likelihood, mere mockery.

Kougaiji had never understood why his father had taken Koushu as a mistress, even as a secondary mate. Not why he would want to sleep with more women, no, Kougaiji knew his father to be the kind of alpha that boasted his power in every way possible, but Koushu, specifically. Perhaps he only ever smelled the sweet on her surface, never her sour side, and hadn't paid enough attention to see her for the manipulative witch she was. Perhaps he had, and had decided he could control her worse nature for the sake of having a beta wife to manage his household. Kougaiji knew what it was to be arrogant. All logic aside, even if he had been able to tame her, now he was gone, and she was unleashed.

Kougaiji was the one under the sway of her worse nature now.

“It passes.” Kougaiji furrowed his brow as he tried to recall the searches he had done. “The Maten remains in the possession of Genjo Sanzo, but he has been off of our radar. We have discovered the location of Kouten, in the mountains to the east, in the hold of Sharak Sanzo. Sharak Sanzo has used it to create barriers around the towns near our border to protect them from the youkai who have gone out of control--”

“Yes, and how shall we acquire the sutra?” Gyokumen turned her hand, indicating that she had no interest in what he was actually saying.

Kougaiji felt something burn in him; a spark of rage at bowing his head to a beta he had no respect for. He took a breath, caught a whiff of his pack's presence where their scent mingled with his and the bruises of their marks ached on his neck, and remembered that he needed to control himself here more than anywhere else. "I have been observing and talking to locals. Mostly defectors who abandoned the youkai village under Sharak Sanzo's protection, some of your people who have been leading efforts to reclaim land." Kougaiji shifted uneasily. "Sharak Sanzo's barrier is strong, but once we find a way to break it, it will take time for the Sanzo to put it back, leaving them open to attack."

"Hmph." Gyokumen Koushu crossed her arms, tapping one foot as if that annoying noise could make Kougaiji solve the difficulty of a problem he didn't understand any faster. Nii seemed to be the expert on the sutras, why wasn't she pestering him about this? Was the bastard still MIA? Whoever his stepmother had just been intimate with, it wasn't him, and somehow that irritated him further. “Tell me,” she crooned after a moment of tense silence, bending forward just a little. “How do I better motivate you to get this done? I've been so patient, Prince Kougaiji, but I'm so tired of waiting. You must be, too.”

Kougaiji snorted, nostrils flaring, and tried not to look too insolent. “I tire only of being rushed; the strain on our forces is visible, especially when we're resorting to using untrained militia and marshaling civilians gone wild. Unless you merely propose throwing our soldiers at Sharak Sanzo's wall in hopes one might make a crack, you must be patient and wait for us to find the gap in the armor.”

This made Gyokumen Koushu furrow her sculpted brow, her precariously plucked eyebrows forming an ugly little scowl. “I see.” She sauntered across her dais towards him, an intentional sway in the swing of her hips. “You are... forward. I appreciate you being forthcoming. It's unlike you.” She smirked down at him, bowing just a little to loom over him. “Something is different about you, Prince Kougaiji.”

Kougaiji's hackles raised at that, and he had to stop the growl. He composed himself enough to retort, “I am as impatient as you are to have this business concluded.”

“I see.” Her eyes twinkled like mercury, cold and deadly. “It's strange, you seem somehow... different. I'm curious where your bravado is coming from, little Prince.”

Kougaiji knew he'd flashed his teeth, but couldn't stop it. “I have other business to attend to, and as you imply, little time to waste. Excuse me.” He bowed sharply, then pivoted as quick as he could and marched from the room, head held high.

He could feel her gaze burning on his back, and wondered – could she smell Dokugakuji? Yaone? Her senses were likely as washed-out as Lirin's, as nearly everyone else's, but he knew he could smell when his lovers were near at fifty paces. He knew he reeked of them to his own nose. The last thing he wanted was for Gyokumen Koushu to see the ties that bound them.

This was why he couldn't mate them, make their bond marks permanent, make them both his. If they were his, he could lose them far too easily.

He couldn't bear the thought of that. He wasn't strong enough. Not strong enough to throw off Gyokumen Koushu's yoke.

The more he thought about it, he hadn't enough strength at all. He knew that if he had, he probably wouldn't be in such a tenuous position in the first place.

* * *

Dokugakuji's scent was strong and sweet, musky; like resin, incense, like the rosin off of a horsehair bowstring, like cardamom and clove. Kougaiji enjoyed that the bed they shared in that tiny cabin in the woods smelled so strongly of it, that he could wrap himself up in that scent when he laid in those blankets. However, that scent aroused more than his interest, more than his libido. It began to awaken some of those scant few memories he'd retained from his time under Nii Jianyi's control. Especially the ones where that scent was in his nose.

_Head square on shoulders, focus straight forward. Patrol the hallways._

_Turn. Up the stairs. Gray brick walls, unyielding._

_No disturbances. The noises there don't matter. Ignore that._

_Turn. Down the stairs. Dark, dank, dark. Quiet blackness in the lower levels._

_Something new. Something wrong. A strong scent. A good scent._

_He found the source of the scent in one of the cells in the servants' quarters, and forced the door with a rough push. Something told him it was his right to do so, his, his, his, and sure enough, his servant, the one given to him or who stayed with him despite him not needing him, he was there. He was there and he smelled good._

_Dokugakuji was on his knees on his bed, sweating and panting and kneading his erection through his trousers. His skin felt warm even this far away, radiating towards him, and it struck something in his core. Something primal. Something wild._

_He wanted._

_He was growling, and Dokugakuji turned, wide-eyed. “Alpha,” he mouthed, and stopped working at himself. “They stopped giving you your suppressants. Or didn't tell you to take them – shit.” Dokugakuji was shaking as he adjusted the seam of his pants, not quite looking at him. “I thought something was up. I haven't had a heat in years, smelling you must've set me off. Hey, let's get you to the infirmary and--”_

“ _You don't give me orders.” He felt his lip curling, baring his teeth. “You... you will give.”_

_Dokugakuji inhaled, eyes still wide, and Kougaiji lunged. He wasn't thinking anymore, orders, directions, his programming was being overridden by instinct. Take. Claim. Mine. He tore the top of Dokugakuji's tunic back, and Dokugakuji's legs went out from under him._

“ _Don't do this,” he said, sounding small. “You don't wanna do this, we're both gonna regret it if we do—”_

“ _You're mine.” Kougaiji licked his teeth, then locked his mouth on Dokugakuji's neck. He didn't bite down hard enough to break through the scent gland, not enough for the permanent claim, but enough to make Dokugakuji bleed onto his teeth and tongue._

“ _Alpha,” Dokugakuji groaned, instinct more than sense. “God, I want you more than I can say but not like this, Kou!”_

_Kougaiji growled again, then worked his trousers loose, not bothering with his jacket, just getting his dick loose. “Mine,” he repeated, as his every instinct centered around the driving need to mate, to claim, to fuck until he was exhausted and sated, until his spend dripped from his omega. He forced a hand into Dokugakuji's pants and pushed a finger into him. Sopping wet and fire-hot. Good. His omega wanted him just as much._

“ _Don't mate me,” Dokugakuji moaned, and Kougaiji's lust spiked at the whine in his voice. “Do what you want to me, fuck it, I want your knot anyway! Just don't mate me. I'm not gonna be mated to someone who doesn't even remember doing it!”_

_That was capitulation! His omega would give, and the alpha would take! Dokugakuji got his pants off and got on shaking hands and knees. Slick practically poured from him, and Kougaiji inhaled deeply. That smell._

_Resin, rosin, horsehair, cardamom, his, beautiful, his..._

_Kougaiji sheathed himself to the root, without another second of hesitation, and Dokugakuji screamed –_

“Kou?” Kougaiji snapped awake at the sound of his name and a hand on his chest, and felt the mad percussion of his own heart against Dokugakuji's chest. Dokugakuji, naked in the depths of sleep (he overheated very easily these days) was kneeling over him in their shared bed, panting softly as if panicked. Even in the dark, with the only light a thin shaft of the moon cast through the lone window, Kougaiji could see that Dokugakuji was gaping at him. “You were having a nightmare.”

Kougaiji grimaced, and smeared a hand down his face, feeling the cool sweat draining off his brow. “I'm sorry I woke you.”

“Hey, don't apologize for that.” Dokugakuji chuckled weakly and rubbed at his neck. Over the bond bite Kougaiji had just freshened earlier in the evening. Kougaiji grimaced in realization – his emotions bled through. He gripped the matching mark Dokugakuji had made on him as if he could cover it, but Dokugakuji covered his hand with his palm. “We talked about this. A burden shared is a burden halved, right?”

Kougaiji felt Dokugakuji's hand shake as he withdrew it, and realized that the scent in the room was thicker than usual. He swallowed, feeling heat curl uncontrollably through him as he leaned into his touch. “I... I keep dreaming about what I did to you. I hurt you.” Dokugakuji didn't say anything, instead just bowing his head. “I hate knowing I did that, even if it did give us... this...” He extended a hesitant hand to just touch the tiny, tiny little swell at Doku's hips. “If I'd been in control... if...”

“If I'd never trusted fucking Nii with you when you were dying,” Dokugakuji muttered, shaking his head. “It's my fault, too.”

“No.” Kougaiji gripped Dokugakuji's hand, and leaned against his chest. “I'm supposed to take care of you.” Dokugakuji made an uncomfortable noise, but rubbed Kougaiji's back.

“We take care of each other.” Dokugakuji kissed his neck, then, with surprising care and gentleness, trailed little kisses up to his jaw, cheek, and mouth.

Even when they were intimate before the incident, Dokugakuji was often hesitant with affection. He seemed fine to let Kougaiji act on his needs and desires, he tended to lay back and take whatever Kougaiji was willing to give; he was passive. Acting on his desires was new. Kougaiji wasn't sure how to feel, and Dokugakuji seemed to sense his insecurity, pausing before he kissed his mouth. “I want you,” he said softly. “I... _need_ you.”

Kougaiji felt ice creep up his spine, and tried to force his eyes to adjust to read Dokugakuji's face. His scent poured thick off of him, sweeter than usual, cloying like honey. Kougaiji's arousal stirred in his belly and groin, but he frowned and tried to resist the urge. “You usually don't ask like that.”

“I've never felt the need like this before.” Dokugakuji rubbed the back of his head. “I think... 'cause you were thinking of that time, it came through to me, and even if it grosses you out now, it, uh, it kind of...” He struggled for words, swallowing thickly. "I think it's hormones, Kou, I need you. I need your knot."

Kougaiji recoiled, jerking back. "No." He hardly had to think of it, he couldn't think of it. The faint memories flashed through his mind –

_Dokugakuji, supplicant on hands and knees, hoarse from shouting, all but sobbing as Kougaiji, thick and deep inside of him, rutting and forcing the thickest part of himself in over and over and over. His hole was stretched and bleeding from the force, but Kougaiji was fevered and desperate, in, in, in, fill him, claim him, he's yours, yours, yours –_

“No, I – I'm not going to hurt you.” Kougaiji edged back, but Dokugakuji grabbed after him.

“Look, that ain't fair, you said you'd give me what I need, and I need you!” Dokugakuji licked his lips, gripping Kougaiji's wrist tight. “I feel like I'm in heat, damn it, please take me--”

Kougaiji shook his head, gaze flicking to the tiny bump on Dokugakuji's frame. Dokugakuji was strong enough, though Kougaiji hoped to never have to test him. Someone else was not. “I don't want to get rough with you. The pup--”

“I had to stop taking suppressants because of the pup! That's why I'm like this!” Dokugakuji swallowed hard and ran a hand through his hair urgently, sweat shining on the space between his fingers. “If you don't like it, then – fuck, rein me in, aren't alphas supposed to shut misbehaving omegas down with pheromones?”

Anger spiked through Kougaiji's composure. “I would never--!” He stopped himself from shouting, then covered both of Dokugakuji's hands with his own. “I'm getting Yaone. We need Yaone.” He pulled Dokugakuji's hands to his mouth and kissed them, then went to the other room, stinging from Dokugakuji's bereft expression but letting it harden his resolve.

Dokugakuji couldn't understand what those words meant to someone who had been an alpha before all youkai were forced to ignore those base instincts. It was apostasy to even consider controlling a wayward mate. Even the thought that such a thing could be _asked for_ meant too much had changed for their people. Kougaiji would show his lovers what it meant to be part of a balanced bond, what their roles were meant to be.

Yaone was confused at being awoken from her sound sleep on the futon beside the crib, but quickly reassured when Kougaiji's hands on her shoulder and face turned into kisses over her forehead and cheeks. “I need a favor,” he whispered into her neck, before licking briefly at the fading bond mark. “I need you. We need you.”

“We? Need?” Yaone blinked back sleepiness and sat up, feeling herself come alive more than awake as Kougaiji stroked his fingertips down through the tresses of her hair and over the sensitive skin of her neck. “Kougaiji...”

“Would it be troublesome for you to come with me? I want both of my lovers together.” He slid his fingers into her hair and combed it from her forehead, then kissed her again, first between the eyes, then over the seam of her lips. She rose, hesitating as if stepping into a dream, and let Kougaiji lead her by the hands into the bedroom.

Dokugakuji was waiting, shivering and wringing his hands and looking oddly small for a man as broad as him, and he smiled sheepishly as Kougaiji returned. “Sheesh, you really meant it, huh?” Yaone, awake now, could see his lower jaw trembling, but put on a warm smile and approached, seating herself in front of him.

“I didn't quite understand what Kougaiji meant, but I think I see.” She ran her fingertips over the shell of his ear and rested her fingers on the back of his neck, tracing little patterns. “Do you need some support?”

Dokugakuji's gaze flashed back to Kougaiji, then met Yaone's kind smile with an averted gaze to her knees. “I... I just thought...”

“I don't think you know how to react to some of your body's demands.” Kougaiji stood beside the bed, over both of them. “You were denied the chance to learn those instincts by living under suppressants. You may have to relearn some things. Let us help you, and help each other.” Kougaiji leaned down and kissed each of their necks in turn, the bed creaking only a little under their combined weight, then eased himself to kneel up behind Dokugakuji. “Yaone, treat him as you want to.”

Dokugakuji sucked in an abrasive breath as Kougaiji rested both palms on his shoulders, and Yaone tipped his chin towards his mouth. “I can feel you shaking,” she whispered, then slid her arms around his chest and pressed him into a hug. Slowly, haltingly, he returned her embrace, chest to chest, navel to navel, and she ran her palm down the plane of his back a few times. “All wound up, so tense...”

“Yaone, I just wanted...” He shivered, then relaxed a little as she kissed his neck again, bowing into the crook of her shoulder and inhaling deep. His face was hot against the skin of her neck, and she could smell his strong, rich, sweet scent like burning incense.

“Is this what you need?” She traced her fingers down his chest, and he held her just a little tighter. They'd shared embraces before, comfort and care, but even those times when they made love had never felt quite so intense. She could also feel Dokugakuji shifting as Kougaiji, behind him, rubbed his shoulders and kissed down his ear and neck. “You need both of us, is that right?”

Dokugakuji struggled with his words, gasping them into her breastbone: “I just wanted Kou...” He swallowed twice, until Yaone kissed at his bond mark again. “But... you...”

“Let her brace you.” Kougaiji skimmed his palms over the muscles of his back to his pectorals, then caressed down his midsection, the curve there. “I want you to have both of us.”

Dokugakuji swallowed again, then lifted his face to look Yaone in the eye. “Then, uh... kiss me, maybe?” He grinned, as embarrassed of asking for his own needs as he was for needing at all. Yaone obliged without hesitation, pressing her lips to his, soft first, then easing her lips open to tease at his teeth with her tongue. She worked a hand away from her embrace and slid her thumb down over his belly to his erection, then ran her fingertips down the vein. He suppressed a noise into their shared kiss, and Yaone opened one eye to see Kougaiji nodding, a mixture of lust, want, desire, and approval written plain in the lines of his face.

“I'll take you.” He licked his lips. “I want her to have you, too, while I take you. Is that alright?”

Dokugakuji had to swallow nerves and excitement before forcing his usual cool. “If she's okay with it, then I--” He choked a little on the next words as Yaone closed her hand around his cock.

“Will you play with me, too?” Yaone fluttered her eyelashes a little, smiling sweetly as she ran her thumb over his foreskin and against the slit. He made a strained noise, then nodded.

“Whatever you like.” He grinned at her, all bravado but as sincere as he could be. He ran his hand down her thigh and up her nightgown to her panties. “Let's get you out of these, you're gonna get hot in those clothes. Hell, I'm feelin' too warm and I'm already down to my skin.”

Kougaiji had already started working his sleep shirt off and kicked his boxers across the room, and Yaone, giggling, stripped her gown off, then slid her underwear down her thighs. She could feel Kougaiji's eyes roving her form over Dokugakuji's shoulder, and heat touched her cheeks as his smile slid into place; he liked what he saw, she could tell. However, as he slid one hand down around Dokugakuji's waist and braced his hip with his other, she knew she wasn't the only thing he was happy to see.

“You have the best of both worlds, don't you?” Yaone leaned over Dokugakuji's shoulder, pressing him between them as she reached around him to hug Kougaiji. “You must feel like a very lucky alpha.”

“A lucky man.” Kougaiji kissed across her lips, and Dokugakuji chuckled.

“Jeez, I better do my part too.” Dokugakuji slid his hand up Yaone's thigh again. “You ready, Yaone?”

“Please.” Yaone spread her knees, feeling a chill of anticipation. Dokugakuji, smiling his appreciation, skimmed his hand up her hip and waist, then traced the contour of her breast; his hand shook as he slid his palm back down, grazing her nipple with a delicate touch before slipping his fingers down into the join of her legs. He shifted the hand that braced her to knead at her breast, and teased her clit with deliberate strokes. She whimpered a little, shivering and squeezing her eyes shut as the pleasure welled in her, until she felt Dokugakuji's motions stutter.

“K-kou.”

“It's alright.” Kougaiji was leaning up close to Dokugakuji, gaze low, dick glass-hard and flushed with blood, but his face was flush with nerves. “I... I like to watch you two together. I'm going to get him ready.”

Dokugakuji's eyes went a little wide, and he spoke faster: “You'll let me have it, won'cha? I need it, Kou, I--”

Yaone kissed Dokugakuji to swallow his next plea, because Kougaiji had gone crimson with anxiety. She also took his hot cock in her hand and gave it a few pulls. “Patience, patience. He'll give you what you need, but will you help me, too?” She kissed him again before he could answer, working his erection a little faster each pass, until he got the hint and began to finger her pussy, just around the rim. His fingers were thick, but he somehow had a naturally gentle touch, he knew just how to open her up and reach deep into her core. The first slide of his middle finger against her inner walls made her sigh with relief, bliss flooding her as Dokugakuji kneaded her breast and kissed against her neck, only stopping to whisper:

“Kou, please.”

Kougaiji's heart raced as he watched his two lovers enjoying one another's bodies, awash in the sounds of their pleasure, but every time he looked at his omega, his Dokugakuji, _his_ , he couldn't help but plunge back into those same memories.

_Dokugakuji screaming, voice and body raw from passion and pain. Kougaiji dominating him with no care for his needs or happiness, just his own drive to take and own his omega._

No. That was not the kind of alpha Kougaiji was going to be. Not the man he wanted to be, and like hell if the person carrying his baby would be treated with calumny. He wasn't so weak that he would cave to his instincts like that twice. He took a deep breath, then eased his finger into Dokugakuji's asshole. He was already wet, slick damp on his knuckles, and as Kougaiji worked his finger in and out a few times, more dampness pooled. Dokugakuji wanted him, wanted him badly, his body was absolutely weeping with need. That was no excuse to rush. Kougaiji let Dokugakuji adjust before sliding in a second finger, and from Yaone's gasp, he was sure Dokugakuji had just given her the same favor. She moaned softly as Dokugakuji worked her cunt a little faster, and Kougaiji's heart raced as he felt driven to do the same, pulling and stretching at the opening. He knew Dokugakuji was getting his knot, but he would be damn ready for it.

“I want to take you. Can I take you?”

Dokugakuji sucked in a breath, then nodded hard. “I really want that, yeah.”

Kougaji wished he could say more, but he had needs and wants too, and without thinking, he adjusted his position, braced both hands on Doku's hips, and pressed the head of his dick in. Dokugakuji let out a strained gasp, then moaned into Yaone's shoulder.

“Yeah, that's good, so good...” He was gasping for breath now, but clearly not lost of his senses yet. Yaone, still captivated in the throes of her own pleasure, whined as Dokugakuji's fingers became frantic. He withdrew for a split second to clean his fingers with his tongue, then pushed three back in. “Wish you could feel him too. I can only pretend I'm him.” He was smiling into her skin, but as Kougaiji slid the rest of his dick in, he shivered, too. “Goddamn, _yes._ ”

Kougaiji's heart raced, and he kept holding him tight and set a feverish rhythm. He was driven, now, dragged into passion by the scents of his lovers, and he needed to take and have. _His._ But he also knew it was his duty to give.

“Say when you're ready,” he urged Dokugakuji into his ear. “Give Yaone her pleasure and tell me when you want yours.”

Dokugakuji stifled a noise, but pushed a third finger into Yaone and bent down to take her nipple between his teeth. She whined again.

“It's too much, please!”

“No, no,” Dokugakuji muttered into her breast, fucking her hard and fast with his fingers. “You oughta be as wet as me--” He sucked hard on her nipple, and she cried out again, and he slowed to work her through her ecstasy. Kougaiji matched his pace, slowing so he could watch her face, her cheeks blushing, mouth red and lips bitten, her measured smiles and calm composure lost to orgasm. Dokugakuji withdrew and let her lean back, only to lean down over her to give Kougaiji a better angle and to kiss down her chest. Kougaiji admired the sight for a long moment, then braced himself on Dokugakuji's back and shoulder.

“Mine,” he muttered without meaning to, though he felt Yaone wrap her arms around Dokugakuji's neck to brace him and stake her claim just the same. “Mine, mine...” He set a steady, harsh rhythm now, because his lover was strong enough to take that much. He slipped his hand into Dokugakuji's, lacing their fingers tight like a promise.

That he would support him, protect him, give him his every desire. That he trusted him to do the same.

“Kou, please,” Dokugakuji choked on his words again, but they were pure capitulation, submission. “I need...”

Kougaiji drove himself in and held, his dick thickening as his body and soul gave Dokugakuji what he needed. Dokugakuji let out the kind of sob he'd never give for anyone else, and his body swallowed the full girth of his cock and held it like a breath. He was still hugging Yaone tight, and Yaone was hugging him back, whispering soft nothings into his ear.

“You've done so well, so well, just breathe until you come down...”

Kougaiji closed his eyes and breathed deep, taking in the rich scents of both of his lovers. Resin, rosin, roses and lilies, cardamom and horsehair, green things and new life. He knew them separately, but in this moment, all three of them were a single entity. Pack. Mates. If either of them had asked him in this moment, he would have bitten straight through their bond marks and made them permanent.

But Dokugakuji exhaled slowly as Kougaiji's knot began to release. “Shit, I needed that,” he murmured, though he didn't move to withdraw. Kougaiji hummed, content, and ran his hand up Dokugakuji's back and over Yaone's fingers.

“Thank you for sharing yourself with me. Both of you.”

“Kougaiji,” Yaone giggled sleepily, and Dokugakuji eased down and let Kougaiji free.

“Kou.” He carefully twisted around, landing on his palm as he eased his hips into the mattress in a splayed sit beside Yaone. “Everything I got is yours too.” He glanced between them briefly, bit his lip, then murmured, “Can I ask another favor? I gotta clean up, but will you both stay a little longer?”

There was no argument. Kougaiji even helped Dokugakuji stand, his thick legs a little wobbly, and he caught his shifted balance with a hand on his front. Yaone grasped a hand out to steady him too, still wobbly herself where she knelt on the bed, but as Dokugakuji gingerly walked out, Kougaiji let him go and leaned down to her.

“You should rest, too. We can all rest easy now.”

Dokugakuji came back to find Kougaiji laid out with Yaone on one shoulder and a cup of water waiting at the bedside. They didn't need to speak. Kougaiji opened one arm, and Dokugakuji paused for just a moment to drain the mug before dropping down in the bed next to him.

“The pup liked that.” His voice was soft and low, maybe a little embarrassed, maybe just drowsy, and Kougaiji kissed his cheek.

“I hope she has no memory of it other than my presence in her space.” He shifted his arm as Dokugakuji laid down and settled on his shoulder, but his big hand landed on Kougaiji's head to muss his hair as he eased into repose.

“She already loves you, I think. When we meet her, I know you'll care for us like you do.” His eyes closed, his hand slid from Kougaiji's head and down his back, and as morning came, Dokugakuji drowsed into satiated sleep.

Kougaiji clenched hard around that promise as he let himself rest with both of them, forgetting the moments where he had been less than himself. He could reassure himself that both of those he loved believed him the leader he wanted to be, and he knew he could live up to that. 

 

In the warmth of the afterglow, Yaone drowsed through light sleep and stolen barely-awake glimpses of light and little snatches of sound. The sun rising on the other side of the window, through the trees, lighting their shared bed in dappled patches of pink and orange. Kougaiji's bare chest and the smooth muscle that now doubled as her pillow. Dokugakuji, wrapping himself around Kougaiji's other side and snoring softly, breathing belabored from the extra burden on his chest. A soft chuckle, a shift in the dying shadows: Kougaiji smiling at her, aglow in the dim. "You look happy."

"So do you." She dared extend her hand to touch his face, then to trace the contours of his mark on his cheek, then the dimple of his smile. She was certain he'd never looked so carefree and content. "It makes me happy to see you smile like this."

Kougaiji hummed, and Yaone felt him tilt his face into her shoulder. "I can only ever feel the way I do now when I'm with you." He nodded a little. "Both of you. Pack. Like this."

Yaone got the feeling he didn't just mean 'post-coital.' "I'm happiest when I'm with all of us, too." She played with his hair, tracing the part then carding her fingers through the loose strands. "It feels right. Safe."

"Right," Kougaiji repeated, and held her a little tighter. "This is the way we were meant to be." His hand shifted on her back, somehow heavier there now. "This is how our people were supposed to live. I want to give that back to them. All youkai deserve to be this happy."

Yaone let her mind drift over that thought, but it was knowledge she couldn't fathom. She knew there were too many youkai who only let the animal side of themselves out to hurt, to be cruel, and too many youkai frightened of their wilder sides. Youkai who were happy on suppressants, or if not happy, at least unbothered by it. "Would everyone be able to be this happy like this?"

Kougaiji didn't answer for a moment. "I suppose we can't know. I'm not some zealot who thinks that dominion over humans is the only way we'll be able to be truly happy, but if we could all just accept this side of us as part of our wholes. These instincts, they're not just about mating and control." He nuzzled her neck again. "It's about the bond and the balance. I'm complete with you two. I feel... stronger. Whole." He gathered both of them just a little closer. "I hope you both feel the same about each other and me." He glanced over at Dokugakuji, who snored on. "I'll ask him later."

"He needs his rest." Yaone stifled a little giggle. "The pup must take a lot out of him. Emotionally, physically, hormonally, it's a big burden to carry. I'm glad he's standing so strong too."

“Yeah.” Kougaiji turned over towards Dokugakuji, expression softening. He leaned over and kissed his forehead, then nuzzled at his cheek. “Tonight, he needed us in this way, and I'm glad we were both here for him. He needs us, just like I need both of you.”

Yaone felt happiness bloom like a morning glory in the dawn light, slow and warm. “I'm glad for all of this. For us, having this.”

“It's what you two deserve." Kougaiji twisted a little to return his attention to her, to weave his fingers into her hair. What had once been the address of a prince to admiring sycophant had softened to the kind of intimate talk that only came from mutual deep trust. He blinked back to Dokugakuji for a moment, then murmured, "We... when things are safe again, there can be more children, if you'd like."

She smiled, tickled but wondering if he'd asked Dokugakuji how he felt about that. Even so, she answered, "Any child of yours will be mine."

"I'm happy to hear you say so, but... I meant..." He slid one hand down to her navel, and she shook his head.

"No, no; any child you have with us will be his by birth." She pursed her lips, knowing she owed him the whole truth now. "The poison I was about to give him, when you discovered that... it's the same kind of poison I made for myself after you rescued me from the Hyakugan clan. I made a mistake." She bit her lower lip and gingerly pushed his hand from her stomach. "I... I was relieved, in a way, that nobody would ever be able to force me to mother their child again, but... Thinking about it now, it's a little sad that I won't be able to bear your children, should you have wanted them."

Kougaiji shook his head, and though his face was drawn with sorrow, he kissed her forehead a few times. "There's no shame in it. I wish you'd told me sooner; that's a burden nobody should bear alone. What you said is true. Any child of mine can be yours, and if Dokugakuji is willing, there can be more."

"One's plenty for now." Yaone couldn't help but giggle a little: "You sound like such an alpha."

"I am. I'm an alpha with a wonderful pack." He curled his arm tighter around her. "You're my trusted partners."

He kissed her, then leaned over and kissed Dokugakuji, then lay down again. “Get your rest, Yaone.”

“Good night,” she whispered into the dawn and Kougaiji's hair, feeling at ease as he relaxed.

Kougaiji couldn't recall those moments where he'd lost control. All he had was this moment, suspended in bliss.

* * *

The weeks passed, and inevitable time took its course. By their collective math, Dokugakuji was well into the third trimester, and showing all the signs of being a very pregnant omega in his own way.

He'd gotten noticeably bigger around the middle, though not enough that he needed new clothes, just enough to make the front of his tunic round out. Some nights, Yaone or Kougaiji would come and find him holding the little bump, talking to it soft and gentle like a little animal he didn't want to scare off, but he'd stop the second he realized he wasn't alone, grinning sheepishly and shoving his hands in his back pockets. Kougaiji still worried that the baby would be small, because even on Dokugakuji's big frame, his belly just didn't look all that big.

Dokugakuji had started nesting more aggressively, too proud to ask for things to make his comfort but absolutely gathering his mates' scents. Yaone would go looking for tops or socks and find that things she was sure she had washed were quite gone. She had noticed a small pile of things building up beside the bed and occasionally spotted her things among Kougaiji's shirts and underwear. She would ask for them back, except she noticed Kougaiji deliberately dropping his worn clothes into the pile. Dokugakuji probably wanted his mates' scent as strong in the room as possible. He also knew he didn't have to ask. Yaone could buy extra socks for a little while.

As the nine-month mark neared, Dokugakuji would alternate between pacing a groove in the earth outside of their little cabin and laying curled up in bed for long hours, sleeping. He ate less, and seemed defensive and constantly wearied. Yaone and Kougaiji shared one whispered conversation and agreed – the time was close, and Dokugakuji likely sensed it, too. They both knew what their roles would have to be, and now was no time to renege.

Yaone would distract Dokugakuji from anxious pacing by taking him on walks through the mountainside, watching his step for him and making excuses to stop for him to rest by foraging for edible herbs and flowers. Sometimes, she would wave the flowers into little crowns or bracelets, and would toss one around his head for whimsy. He'd laugh a little, then work himself back to his feet and follow at a slow roll a few steps behind her. She knew his scent was driving her affection, but couldn't say for sure she wouldn't care for him as much as she did in these quiet moments without that influence. Sometimes, she felt so strongly for him in these moments that her chest would ache a little. Then again, sometimes her chest ached a  _lot_ , and she had a feeling that was due to her hormones reacting to his. Still, she decided, best not to worry the others, but to focus on loving her partner in his time of need.

Kougaiji would sit with or near him while he was resting, reading a book or reading aloud to him. Dokugakuji listened as he drifted in and out. Sometimes, Dokugakuji would ask little favors, “Could you get me some water? My hips are killing me, I can't get up,” “I'm sorry, but I'm starving, but my gut's feelin' uneasy, could you get me some rice with green tea?” Kougaiji always obliged. Sometimes, they would just sit and talk.

“I feel as if I owe you further gratitude,” Kougaiji murmured one humid afternoon, as he massaged Dokugakuji's scalp to relieve a headache. “You've gone through so much for our child. Thank you for that.”

“Mmn, I don't mind.” Dokugakuji settled his head deeper into Kougaiji's lap. “Ready to meet her, though.”

“You still think it's a girl, do you?” Kougaiji smiled fondly and rubbed Dokugakuji's temples with his middle fingers. Dokugakuji made a discontented little noise.

“Call it intuition. Would you prefer a boy?”

“Not especially.” Kougaiji gave his scalp a little squeeze, then smoothed his hair back. “Girl, boy, small, large, anyone in any way you'd like to introduce to me will be welcomed with open arms.”

Dokugakuji grimaced again, then opened his eyes and tilted his head back. “You're not worried?”

“Worrying is what alphas do, so I am.” Kougaiji wondered if Dokugakuji could tell how much of his confidence was pretended, but he'd never called him on it before. Now would not be the time for him to start. “However, I will accept whatever comes.”

“That's my prince.” Dokugakuji closed his eyes again. “You never disappoint me, Kou.”

“Mm.” Kougaiji ignored the little twinge of doubt that still pinched at his heartstrings. However, Dokugakuji's warm scent and his head nestled in his lap made ignoring those misgivings all the more easy. “When that time comes, they'll need a name. Have you thought of any?”

“Letting me decide?”

“Asking for suggestions.”

“Did you have any thoughts?”

“Not yet.” Kougaiji stroked Dokugakuji's hair again. “I don't have any family names I want to pass on, and though I've thought about it, nothing's jumped out at me. Have you thought about it?”

“A little.” Kougaiji felt Dokugakuji shift a little, just enough to cover his middle with his big palm. “I don't have any family names, no family to be proud of. What I have with you and Yaone is the only thing worth a damn in my life. Still, I had an idea.” His hand covered his contour a little closer. “Kuyaku for a boy. Kuzai for a girl.”

Kougaiji stifled a laugh. “A little, you said?” Dokugakuji chuckled too.

“More than I'm going to admit. I like those for names. How do you feel, or should we run it by Yaone, too?”

“Kuzai,” Kougaiji repeated, feeling it roll around his mouth. The way Dokugakuji had said it made it sound somehow heavier, as if it had some meaning to him, but Kougaiji couldn't place its density. Even so, it sounded right. “Kuzai or Kuyaku.” He put his hand over Dokugakuji's. “I don't think Yaone will disagree. We all just want to meet you, Kuzai or Kuyaku.”

Dokugakuji smiled and relaxed a little deeper against Kougaiji. “Yeah, me too.” He heaved a sigh. “If only 'cause you're sitting on my kidneys and I don't wanna get up. Hey, Kou, help me, I'm still sore as hell.”

The waiting wasn't long after that. Dokugakuji confided in Yaone just a few days later that he was close: “Feels like the weight's moved down, and you know how all omegas have a birth canal?” He'd swallowed and tried to pretend he wasn't flushed with humiliation. “I'm really, really aware of mine all of a sudden.” Yaone did not disclose that particular fact to Kougaiji, but warned him:

“He shouldn't be alone.”

He wasn't. Yaone or Kougaiji made certain that Dokugakuji was never alone in the cabin, and if he was somewhere, one of them was nearby. Kougaiji knew he should be making more appearances at Houtou, but he also knew it much more important that Dokugakuji not be alone in these last days. Kougaiji didn't want to even entertain the thought of Dokugakuji being by himself in his hour of need, when he would need his mates more than anything. He would give as much time as possible, damn the risks and prepared to suffer the consequences, for as long as he needed.

Fortunately, there wasn't long to wait. Only two days after Dokugakuji gave Yaone the warning, Kougaiji returned to the cabin to find Yaone and Dokugakuji outside, Yaone sitting by the door as Dokugakuji anxiously paced in the grass, each step pendulous and precarious, face working with pain and worry and his hand on his middle. Kougaiji hitched the dragon to a tree and hurried over to join them, only for Yaone to nod quickly.

“You're here in time.” She flashed him a smile, just as Dokugakuji halted in place and shivered, seizing tight around himself. Yaone jumped up, only pausing to whisper, “He wanted to wait for you.”

Kougaiji didn't have to ask what that meant, not when Yaone was taking his hand and squeezing, and Dokugakuji was growling curses under his breath and stomping his feet. When the pain subsided, Kougaiji approached and took Dokugakuji's free hand.

“I'm here. What do you need?” Dokugakuji, still catching his breath, could only shiver and shake his head. “Do you want to be in our bed? Nest?” Dokugakuji nodded, and Kougaiji turned and put his arm around his back to guide him inside. Dokugakuji did speak when they crossed the threshold:

“Just stay. I need you.”

Dokugakuji paced between contractions, wearing a groove in the floor at the foot of the bed. He would stop only to swear and shudder through the pangs as they came closer and closer together. Kougaiji and Yaone took turns holding his hand and encouraging him through each one, sometimes each taking a side as he nearly doubled over from the pain. The hours passed, each wave of ache came faster and closer, lasting longer, and finally a contraction ended with a loud swear and a miserable groan, and with Dokugakuji's knees buckling.

“Can't, can't stand,” he muttered when Kougaiji tried to help him back to his feet. “Baby's too low. I can feel her head – God, I hope that's her head.” He implored Kougaiji with an uncharacteristically desperate look. “Can you get my clothes off? I'm so damn hot, and I don't think I need 'em anymore.”

His pants were damp and stained, but Yaone didn't flinch as she helped remove them, and Kougaiji worked at the frog clasps on Dokugakuji's tunic as they both helped him to a kneel on the bed. “Are you ready to push?” Yaone asked as Kougaiji, still in front of him, got up and knelt in front of him. Dokugakuji barely managed a nonverbal assent as he wrapped his arms around Kougaiji's neck.

“Just hold me up a little longer, okay?” He managed a weak grin, but Kougaiji reassured him with a confident, proud smile and a quick kiss to his forehead.

“As long as we need.”

Dokugakuji braced himself on Kougaiji, bent over with his nose in the crook of Kougaiji's neck and Kougaiji supporting him from the front, as Yaone stood at his spread hips with a towel at the ready. “Push when you feel the need,” she urged him, and as if on cue, he groaned, his body tensed, and Yaone gasped aloud. Kougaiji could see her moving in to act, but centered himself on Doku, keeping him going.

“That's it. Breathe deep and push. You can do it, you can.” Kougaiji held his head, dizzied a little by the scent of his sweat, that familiar reek of cardamom and resin, touched with the tang of blood and other sour odors, as Dokugakuji inhaled deep through his shirt, then exhaled with a rush of curses escalating to a throat-shredding caterwaul:

“Fuck, it HURTS!”

“I know, I know; thank you for –”

Dokugakuji squeezed his shoulders. “Don't you get wishy-washy on me now, damn you!” He grunted and squeezed tight. “Just hold me, fuck, it _hurts_...”

“The baby's crowning,” Yaone announced, giving Kougaiji an eager smile. “You're doing really well. The head is the hardest part, one more good push and you'll be past it.”

“Thank you,” he choked back, and his grip on Kougaiji turned into an embrace. “Just stay with me, okay? Stay, stay...”

“I'm not going anywhere. You and I, we're together 'til the end.”

Dokugakuji held tight to Kougaiji through every push, with Yaone encouraging him from her place as she caught the baby: “There's the head, now, the head's out!” Kougaiji glanced over to see Yaone holding something in the towel. “Give us another good push!”

Dokugakuji could only make a strangled noise as he strained to breathe again, and Kougaiji kept his chest braced tight. “You can do it. I'm sorry to--”

“Quit apologizing, you asshole, I'm not sorry I'm having our kid!” Dokugakuji jawed, then mouthed at Kougaiji's neck for a second, before whispering, “What's she look like?”

Kougaiji couldn't see, but he sensed something else. “She looks like yours. Do you want to bite down on me?” He worked one hand loose and pulled his collar away from the join of his neck and shoulder. “Make me bleed if you have to.”

The next contraction hit. Kougaiji knew because Dokugakuji bit down hard. Blood dripped down his neck, and Dokugakuji screamed into his skin. Kougaiji clutched him around the trunk, as Yaone gasped.

“Yes, good, come on!”

Dokugakuji's agony escalated, Kougaiji's vision flashed white as his teeth sank in deeper, and there was a cry that was not Yaone. Dokugakuji gasped and went limp all at once, and Kougaiji lifted his head to see Yaone holding a squirmy, wiggling little bundle, a cord still linking it to Dokugakuji, but there was a shrill cry. Kougaiji's heart had vanished from his chest, stolen by the very sight, as Yaone turned the towel towards him, a streak of blood-damp skin, a tiny face, a new life announcing itself with a wide-mouthed wail. “It's a girl, it's a little girl!”

“It is?” Dokugakuji wheezed, then shivered and swore through another effort, and though he was pale and sopping sweat, gaze unfocused, but smiling fondly. “Can I.. can I see her? I know I got more to do, but can you bring her to me?” He managed to lift his face towards Kougaiji. “Can you hold her where I can see her?”

Yaone carefully passed her over, gingerly moving the cord. Doku couldn't get off of his hands and knees, but Kougaiji was able to hold her near his face, and he found himself lost in her. Oh, she was small. She was as small as any tiny baby Kougaiji had ever laid eyes on, damp and sticky, flush pink with new blood, tiny ears delicately pointed, a tiny tuft of dark hair, and crinkled little eyes, dark and deep like her dam's. She managed a faint little shriek, and Dokugakuji tried to free a hand to take her, but his other elbow buckled. “I've got her.” Kougaiji scooped her to his chest to warm her, not caring that she was wet and sticky, only that she was theirs. She was fragile, precious, and theirs. “She's perfect in every way.” He nuzzled her, his nose to her forehead, then cradled her to his chest. “You did so well.”

Dokugakuji grimaced, longing plain in his expression, but Yaone came back with a little knife. “The placenta is out, let me cut the cord.”

Dokugakuji held his breath, still rapt as he gazed at her, as Kougaiji and Yaone cut her loose and wrapped her up tight, drying her off, and finally sank to a weak sit, heaving for breath. Yaone kissed his cheek as Kougaiji cradled their daughter close. “It's alright, Doku, lay down. You've done really well, it's time to rest.”

Dokugakuji shook his head, even as Yaone eased him onto his back on the clean side of the bed. “Please... not done... let me...” Exhaustion echoed in every syllable, and Kougaiji hadn't torn his eyes from his daughter since she'd landed in his arms, against his chest.

She was precious. Kougaiji never wanted to be out of her sight again. Dokugakuji surely had to feel the same way. Once he had settled, Kougaiji laid her on his chest. Dokugakuji's joy shone through his exhaustion. “Kuzai,” he whispered, and folded his arms around her. He seemed to struggle for words for a long moment, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, then finally let himself sob as he held her tight. “Baby girl, baby mine...”

“Kuzai?” Yaone sat alongside him, looking down into her face and rubbing his back with her palm. “It's a beautiful name. I can't wait to shout it and see her come running.”

Dokugakuji couldn't answer, crying in a way Kougaiji had never seen, but with joy rather than pain. Kougaiji sidled to his other side, still rapt in his tiny, tiny girl's face. “She's perfect. She's small, but perfect.”

“Kuzai,” he repeated wearily, sucking back tears and settling down into the pillow. “Gonna do everything for you now.” He didn't look away, instead swallowing a few times as exhaustion started to claim him, holding her close as his eyelids sank. “Just let me keep her a little longer...”

Even as Dokugakuji began to drift off, Yaone gasped, then smiled and tugged Kougaiji's sleeve. “He picked her name, didn't he? Kuzai.” Kougaiji nodded, and Yaone actually giggled a little. “Perfect. It's like _gedokuzai_.”

Kougaiji inhaled sharply, understanding shining clear through the pain still stinging his shoulder and the haze of joy at his daughter's birth. He felt weak in the knees at the sight of her, humbled by knowing she existed at all, and crushed by the significance of that name. However, in the same breath, he became powerfully aware of how very much she would depend on him. How he would have to be strong for her, and knowing that would give him the strength he needed.

This had begun with poison, and ended with an antidote. For all the struggle and pain they'd come through, and for all the things that they would still have to fight through, Kuzai was the remedy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Japanese is an interesting language to translate between the spoken and written word. I've seen a poem written where every word is pronounced the same, but due to the characters used, the story is perfectly coherent. Given the contextual and interpretive nature of the language, it's very easy to make puns and include double meanings. That said: some readings of the word "doku" (as well as "dokuyaku," "dokubutsu," and "gaidoku") translate to "poison." "Gedokuzai" and "gedokuyaku" mean "antidote."


	4. Our Path Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those first tenuous moments of the start of a new life...

**Our Path Forward**

Yaone was only able to perform a full health check on Kuzai after Dokugakuji had fallen asleep, because he held her tight until he dozed off and couldn't be moved until his arms went limp. Yaone felt guilt at prying her from him, but she wanted to get a closer look. Their presumptions and worries proved true, she was small, too small: a kilogram under the average weight. Yaone posited she might have been born too soon, but none wanted to admit out loud that the stress of the pregnancy might have taken its toll on her, much more than Dokugakuji had outwardly shown.

However, outside of being small, she seemed perfectly healthy. Her heartbeat was steady; she mostly whimpered, but squalled hard and loud when cold; her feet flexed when Yaone pressed on them; she was pink all over and her muscles were fairly strong, already waving her arms when she wasn't bundled up tight. “She'll get better with a little more time, but she's doing just fine.” Yaone kissed her as she moved her from the changing table back to Kougaiji's arms. “Our perfect little pup.”

“She'd be perfect no matter what,” Kougaiji chuckled back as he took her, rubbing her to his neck again. Though Yaone had patched the bite wound Dokugakuji had left on him, it still ached, but the other side of his neck was all hers. He needed her to smell like him, just to make sure that anyone who came within scent of here only smelled protective Papa alpha, guarding his precious baby girl.

Dokugakuji, too, was protective. Kougaiji knew because he woke from a well-deserved sleep just a few hours after delivering her and rushed from the bed into the main room of their cabin, panting in panic. “Baby. Kuzai,” he babbled, wide-eyed, half-dressed with no shirt and his pants only halfway over his hipbones, panting like he'd been sprinting, and Yaone quickly rose to comfort him.

“Kougaiji hasn't left her for a moment. See?” She motioned to where Kougaiji was reclined with Kuzai on his chest, her tiny bottom cradled in his palm. “I even left for an hour to get some of my supplies, and he hadn't moved from that exact spot. You're still recovering; calm down.”

“She's alright.” Kougaiji patted Kuzai's bottom, gentle hands, ginger with his claws. “She's tired, too. She worked almost as hard to be born as you did to give her life.” He stood carefully, so as not to displace a fine little hair on her tiny head. “Do you want to sit and hold her a while?”

Doku stared at Kougaiji like a doe might stare through a panther, tense like he might run or like he might just charge him, then nodded. “I... I need to feed her. She must be hungry by now.”

Kougaiji came chest to chest with Dokugakuji and eased her into his hands, and he took hold of her. “She hasn't complained, I promise. However, if your instincts say to feed her, go ahead.”

Dokugakuji still seemed uneasy as he sat in the chair Kougaiji had left, and Kougaiji could imagine why. He'd heard stories, long, long ago, of omegas who felt unsupported or uneasy about parenting their pup eating their young rather than risking them suffering. Dokugakuji didn't seem the type to go that far, his instincts not nearly that raw, but when circumstances were anything less than ideal, or even when everything was perfect, a new parent was a little scared. Kougaiji had spent the last three hours between elation and terror. The only reason he hadn't put Kuzai down was because he was just a little terrified to move.

Dokugakuji eased quickly, adjusting Kuzai on his chest, not taking his eyes off of her. Kougaiji stood behind him, still rapt with her too, even as Dokugakuji eased her towards his chest. “It's weird,” he muttered after a moment, shaking his head. “Growing up, even around other youkai, guy omegas weren't really supposed to... you know. Have the baby. Feed the baby. Just supposed to... never talk about it.”

“Are you ashamed?” Yaone eased her hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. His mouth shifted, but he didn't answer, which was answer enough. She kissed his cheek and neck softly. “It's alright. It's just us. Go with your instincts, nobody here thinks there's anything wrong with this.”

Dokugakuji swallowed, then smiled at her, and, still hesitating, moved Kuzai to his chest. Kougaiji could see her dark eyes blinking slowly, unfocused, but seeming to rove over Dokugakuji's face even as she took his nipple into her mouth. Dokugakuji sparked with relief, face brightening. “Hey, attagirl. There's my girl. Eat a lot, you gotta get big and strong.”

Yaone giggled a little, but as she backed away to work on the evening meal, Kougaiji noticed her rubbing at her chest. Doku glanced back to him. “Hey, uh, thank you for keeping an eye on her. Did you get a chance to rest when you got back?”

Kougaiji shrugged and shook his head. “I'm not tired. Surveillance in Arhat has been boring, I'm restless. I'd rather stay a little longer.” Kougaiji reached down to tease Kuzai's hair. “She's something new.”

“The real little babies are boring, too. It's just eating, sleeping, and filling diapers.” Dokugakuji rubbed her back as she twisted her face against his breast, making him wince a little as she suckled at him. “Ow. Nobody told me the eating part hurts a little.”

Yaone laughed, nervous and high-pitched, from their kitchen. “It's worse when they've cut those first few teeth, I'm told.” She winced a little too, turning back around quickly. Kougaiji noticed, even if Dokugakuji was absorbed with getting Kuzai to eat, but just as he opened his mouth to ask if she was alright, Dokugakuji grumbled a swear.

“She's let go already – hey, you gotta eat more than that.” Dokugakuji adjusted his hold on her, even as she whimpered. Kougaiji looked between his two partners urgently, wanting to reassure both, but fell onto Dokugakuji first.

“It's alright, keep trying. She's very little, she's probably still learning.” His soft reassurance didn't seem to aid Dokugakuji, who just bit his lip and kneaded at his own chest.

“It feels wrong. Shit, maybe there's something wrong with me.” His eyes went wide and frantic, and he looked to Kougaiji. “If I can't feed her, we gotta find some way to--”

“Ah... excuse me...” Yaone cleared her throat, approaching with clear trepidation. “It... may not be my place, but... I might be able to help.” Dokugakuji whipped his head around to look at her, and she patted her breast. “I... I've been feeling some tenderness here, and watching her nurse you has made, ah, _them_ incredibly sore.” She fidgeted, clearly embarrassed. “I think your hormones may have triggered mine, and... er... in short... may I try to feed her?”

Dokugakuji rose, Kuzai still tucked against his chest, and nodded to the chair. “Sit, I'll pass her to you.” Yaone took the chair, and Dokugakuji wasted no time moving Kuzai to her chest. Yaone worked her breast loose of her top and offered Kuzai her nipple, and Kuzai latched on in an instant. Yaone sighed with relief, as did Dokugakuji. “She's eating.”

“Er, yes. And she can have as much as she likes.” Yaone smiled sheepishly. “Sorry to take this feeding from you, but it's actually been rather uncomfortable.” Dokugakuji chuckled and sat down next to the chair, observing like any watchful parent might.

“It's good. You're her mama as much as I am as far as I care, so if I can feed her, great, but it looks like you can do this for her better than me.” He settled in, looking as content as could be to just be gazing upon their daughter as anything else. Kougaiji, too, was contented at the sight; nothing could have made him happier or prouder.

* * *

 

Those first few days were surprisingly easy for a family with a new baby, perhaps because all the duties they owed to Kuzai were divided between the three of them rather than just two. Kougaiji was the only one to leave their cabin, and only because they needed food and because he needed to be seen at Houtou, but all three of them were absorbed with Kuzai. Even if all she did was eat, sleep, cry, and fill diapers, they were all enraptured with her and devoted to her every need. It was almost misfortune for her that there was only one of her, because all three of her parents wanted to love on her every waking hour.

Kuzai spent most of her time being traded from parent to parent in a little sling, always on someone's chest if she wasn't asleep in her cushy little crib, and overnight, she slept in their bed, buffered on all sides by the three of them. Yaone proved to be the best at nursing her, though Dokugakuji kept trying, and Kougaiji tried to supplement that he couldn't contribute to that at all by changing her, participating in every morning bath, talking to her, humming her to sleep, and just being near her.

He hadn't been afraid of the prospect of being a father and all it would entail, even if he had no idea what he was doing. He imagined no parent did. His alpha side was intensely satisfied at learning her needs, at being able to provide. It was all part of protecting his pack. He was more afraid of how much he had to lose now that she was in his pack.

Dokugakuji was still recovering from the birth, as well, sometimes complaining about the ongoing cramps and feeling his body trying to ease its way back to its natural state, but trying to occupy himself with Kuzai instead. However, after a few days, he started up training with his sword again. Kougaiji hated watching him at it, as much as he hated whenever he saw his lovers having to take up arms and put themselves in harm's way, because he knew they did it for his sake. However, Dokugakuji told Kougaiji directly: “I've gone soft; it feels alien to me, y'know? I wanna feel strong for you again.” He'd pinched his cheeks and the sagging skin hidden under his tunic, and Kougaiji agreed (though he'd never say it aloud) that he had gotten a little softer over the months when they'd been treating him delicately, but Kougaiji didn't care. In many ways, he really rather would have Dokugakuji be able to live soft, at ease, and happy with their precious daughter for the rest of their days. However, the resignation in Dokugakuji's face when he did resummon his sword and begin to practice his strikes and stances against a tree reminded Kougaiji that they had no choice.

Worse were the days Kougaiji did make an appearance at Houtou. He could scent his lovers and Kuzai on himself now, since he no longer bothered with scent blockers. Most youkai would sense something different about him now, and the sharpest noses might even place the distinct scent of a baby youkai, or even the distinct scent of any baby, that of milk spit and used diapers. Kougaiji kept a separate set of clean clothes hidden in a little cache in the stables and changed before anyone caught wind of him, but not having those comfortable scents put him on edge. Then, when he had to stand face to face with Koushu, the nerves and sensation of being alone only heightened. The way she smirked at him riled his paranoia – _she knows, she knows, she'll pin your Kuzai to a pillar and slaughter your mates for good measure –_ and he found himself on the verge of growling every time she gave him orders.

He clung tight to the thought of Kuzai, of going back to her, to Yaone and Dokugakuji. He could suffer whatever indignity he was faced with if he had the promise of going back to that place.

Even when he was interrupted from his march back to his riding dragon and the place he'd stowed the clothes that actually smelled like him by a rough prod in the back. He jumped around, teeth already out, only to find Lirin waiting to throw her arms around him the second he turned around.

“There you are! It feels like it's been for- _ev_ -er!” She squeezed him tight, and he winced but hugged her back.

“Sorry, sorry; I've been busy.” He crouched a little, just bending his knees. “Have you been behaving?”

“I have been the _best_.” Lirin folded her arms confidently. “Even Mama says I'm acting more like a lady when she sees me.” She glanced back towards the door to Koushu's seat and the viewing chamber. “She always asks about you, moaning and groaning about how you never get anything done.”

Kougaiji grunted his disdain. “As if she would bother breaking a nail to lift a finger herself.” Luckily, Lirin giggled, but prodded at Kougaiji's chest again.

“But I've been nice, big brother. I've practiced being gentle and kind, like you said!” She rocked on her heels, and Kougaiji remembered their conversation about her being gentler and realized she was waiting for a reward. “You said I could do more if I promised I'd be nice. Will you please let me help you more?”

She'd even said please. Kougaiji's guts twisted, but then the idea hit him like an arrow to the heart.

“You can.”

She was alpha. She was pack. He could trust her, and he had more to protect now than ever.

Lirin bounced on the dragon's back, babbling her own theories about where Kougaiji was taking them for the entire ride over the mountain. Mercifully, it was a short ride. He landed the dragon and tied it off, but Lirin was already off and bounding towards the cabin. “Ooh, what's this place?” She grinned back at him. “It smells like Doku-doku and Yaone _everywhere!_ Is this your secret love nest?”

“You can smell them?” This caught Kougaiji off-guard, but she rolled her eyes.

“Duh. I mean, everyone has a smell. And this place _smells_.” She crept closer, sniffing the air, as Kougaiji wondered what else Lirin wasn't telling him she'd noticed and followed behind her. Maybe she would need a formal education of what her role was as a youkai, but now wasn't the time.

“Lirin,” he said, putting it from his mind and focusing on what was about to happen, “I need you to be on your very best and nicest behavior in this place. This is a safe place.”

“It _is_ a love nest!” Lirin squealed and bolted for the door. “I wanna see your secret hideaway!” Just as she got to the door, Yaone opened it and greeted Lirin with her usual motherly smile.

“I see your big brother's brought you for a visit. At last.” She winked at Kougaiji. “Here, we'll give you the full tour and show you everything there is to see, but you have to wash your hands first.”

Yaone let Lirin in, and Kougaiji smiled with relief that she clearly understood his intention, or even if she didn't, accepted his decision to let Lirin in.

He was a step behind, or maybe Lirin was just ten steps ahead, because by the time he caught up, she was already leaning over the crib and keening with glee. Dokugakuji stood on the opposite side of the crib, watching warily but with a proud little smile. “Baby, baby, what a pretty baby!” She hopped up and down, hands clasped tight together. “So small! So tiny! Sooooo cute!”

“She's only a few days old, she's only going to get bigger and cuter.” Dokugakuji chuckled, pushing his shoulders back, clearly just a little proud. “Her name is Kuzai. You know who this is, right?”

“Yeah, she's gotta be! She's Kou's baby, isn't she, yeah? Hello, Kuzai-tan!” Lirin stretched her arms down into the crib, but before anyone could stop her, she whipped her face back up towards Dokugakuji. “Can I hold her, Doku-doku?”

“Yeah, but can you let me put her in your arms?”

“Oh! Yeah!” Lirin stepped back and held her hands out, and Dokugakuji scooped Kuzai up in his arms, then carefully set her in Lirin's hands, arranging her just so.

“Nice and easy, okay? Keep your palms on her head and her butt, and go ahead and put her on your chest so she feels safe.” Dokugakuji moved Kuzai and Lirin's hands close to her body. Lirin crooned happily and rocked Kuzai carefully, then looked back up to Doku.

“She's yours, too, huh?” She grinned wide, and Dokugakuji chuckled and nodded.

“That's my girl. Me, and Kou, and Yaone, she's ours.”

“Ohh.” Lirin's grin suddenly turned smug and suspicious, and she leered back at Kougaiji. “Is _that_ how it is? Ooh, I knew it, I knew it!” She bounced on her heels, and Kougaiji lurched forward.

“Careful – !! Kuzai – !!”

“I've got her, big bro!” She swayed a little, still smirking as if she'd won some great victory. “But I _knew_ it! I knew all three of you were together! It's just like the stories! Ooh, Kou, lemme see your bond marks!” She tiptoed towards him, but Kougaiji took a big step back, nearly into Yaone, but she touched his arm but passed him to halt Lirin.

“Lirin, that's really a little private.”

“Aww.” Lirin pouted, still patting Kuzai's bottom and hugging her. “You let me see your baby, though. Why isn't she home with us?”

“This is home for us,” Dokugakuji answered. “This is our den, for our pack.”

“It's not safe for her at Houtou,” Kougaiji added quietly, and Lirin seemed to realize something.

“You don't think so, huh?” Then she nodded, resolute. “Yeah, you gotta keep her far, far away from that creepy bunny doctor.”

Kougaiji, Yaone, and Dokugakuji caught each other's eyes and communicated an agreement in a split second. “Exactly,” Kougaiji said. (Koushu was still Lirin's mother, after all, and Lirin couldn't know just how much Kougaiji put on the line by defying her even for an instant.) “Perhaps when he's gone, she can live there, but for now, she'll live here, and we're going to keep coming here to be with her.” Kougaiji stepped forward and put a firm hand on her shoulder. “You can, too. You're pack, Lirin. Family. She'll need her strong aunt to help protect her.”

Lirin's eyes sparked with delight and excitement. “I'm gonna do that! I'll be the best auntie ever!” She gave Kuzai a few kisses on the forehead, until Kuzai whined and Dokugakuji immediatelt circled the crib.

"Lemme see her." He held his hands out, and Yaone giggled a little.

"Remember to be gentle with her, Lirin. She's probably too small to understand just how big your love is."

"Aww." Lirin pouted, but let Dokugakuji take Kuzai back. She then turned to Kougaiji, and opened her arms wide. "She's really cute, big bro. You made a really pretty baby, but promise me you'll tell me next time that you're working on one!"

Kougaiji couldn't stop the smile. "Of course. It'll be a while, but next time, you'll can be right there alongside us." He opened his own arms and let Lirin hug onto him tight. Knowing there was another alpha willing to protect his partners and pup was a bigger relief than he thought it would be...

Despite everything that came with, because Lirin suddenly gasped in his ear.

"Ooh, you do have a bond mark!" She yanked at the collar of his jacket, cackling just a little, and Kougaiji felt something sting like salt in a wound as she poked his neck. "And it's fresh! Ooh, big bro, you're saucy, making babies before mating!"

“I didn't--” Kougaiji clasped at his neck, feeling the sting at the pressure, and realizing something. He shot Dokugakuji an urgent look, and Dokugakuji went bright red. Lirin, however, was too busy giggling and bouncing on her heels.

“Naughty, naughty! Kou's so naughty!”

“That's enough.” Kuzai was starting to whine at the noise, and Kougaiji made to usher Lirin out. “Kuzai needs peace and quiet...” He tried to scold Lirin as he composed his thoughts, even as what he had built up was knocked down by a sheepish admission from Dokugakuji:

“It... was an accident...”

For all of Kougaiji's confidence, for the fears he'd kept at bay in the days since Kuzai's birth, the risk suddenly came into sharper view than ever. The mark was there and all but permanent, and worse, visible. Even hiding it under his clothes, hiding it under anything, would be impossible. Kougaiji couldn't deny the link between them. He didn't want to, but now, he wouldn't have a choice.

* * *

 

They had to talk about it. The opportunity presented itself quickly, because Kuzai woke all three of them up at midnight with a damp diaper and empty belly, and after Kougaiji changed her and Yaone set about to feeding her, Dokugakuji tugged Kougaiji's wrist.

“Yaone, if you've got her, I need five minutes alone with this guy.” He winked at her, and she nodded and made a subtle nudging motion with her fingers without moving a hand from cradling Kuzai.

“Yes, yes, go on. I understand.” She eased back in their rocking chair, completely at ease. Kougaiji studied her for even a hint of disapproval in her, but she just turned her attention to Kuzai, cooing praise as Kuzai got her midnight snack. Dokugakuji dragged Kougaiji the first step towards the door, and Kougaiji moved to follow him out.

Dokugakuji took him out of earshot of the cabin, just to the treeline, then turned and squeezed Kougaiji's hand. “The mark, Kou. Is it really a mate mark? Did I make it permanent?”

Kougaiji had to swallow twice. “I think you did.” He had been consciously keeping his collar up, but now he tugged it down. Dokugakuji focused on it through the dark, then leaned his nose in and sniffed, then licked along the mark.

“Shit. Yeah. I can taste you, I cracked right into your scent.” He groaned and shook his head, smiling with obvious embarrassment and scrubbing his hand up his hairline. “I, uh, I'm not going to apologize. It's what I wanted anyway.”

“I know.” Kougaiji sank down, shoulders dropping. “Please understand, I would have asked you, but... The mating bond, it's different from shallow bonds. Anyone who can scent worth a damn are going to be able to tell how closely connected we are--”

“So what?” Dokugakuji reached out and grabbed Kougaiji's hand. “Look, mate mark or no, I'm with you 'til the last. You saved me, you're my lover, you're my friend, and you're my _alpha_ , Kou. I am who I am because of you.” He ran his fingers over the mark again, and Kougaiji shivered from top to toe, chills and electricity chasing through him. Then, Dokugakuji yanked the top clasp on his tunic loose. “The only thing we're missing is finishing the job. Don't be scared of it; we're already halfway there, and I'm not backing down now.”

Kougaiji studied Dokugakuji's face, but he could see he was completely serious. He didn't have to doubt what he'd said, or if he'd meant it, because he knew he did. He was the one in doubt here. Somehow, even though he was supposed to be the leader, he was still leaning on those he was meant to be protecting.

“If this is what you want, then I won't deny you.” He eased a step closer, into the same shadows as Dokugakuji where the moon was obscured by the thick forest. Despite the dark, Kougaiji could sense every contour, his very form. He could perceive him by scent alone, and Kougaiji wasn't sure anymore if that was their mating bond, pure familiarity, or love beyond any form of expression. Whatever it was, Dokugakuji was irreplaceable in his life, his heart, his world now. Even if making the bond permanent was as good as pulling Dokugakuji into the same target that he stood in, he would never want another man in his spot, nor another woman in Yaone's.

He felt Dokugakuji's big hands slide down his back to brace him, heard the rustle of his hair against his jacket as he slid his collar down, then tilted his head to expose his neck. He could sense the trepidation in Dokugakuji as he rested his teeth against the soft spot in his neck where the shoulder curved, the scent spot. He could taste him, smell him, strongest here, and while Kougaiji had kissed it, sucked it, even nibbled it before, now he was going to stake his claim. He bit, then let his teeth sink in until the skin broke, until he tasted blood.

Dokugakuji tasted so much like his own scent, and yet the unfettered flavor nearly overwhelmed Kougaiji in that instant. He held tight, throwing his arms around Dokugakuji and gripping him tight with no care for his claws, sucking on the skin as Dokugakuji hissed with a mixture of pain and relief. When he did release him, it was just to sob for breath and to lick the blood from around his mouth. Dokugakuji didn't let him catch air, instead covering his mouth to claim a long kiss.

The mate bond twined them like a padlock clicking into place, like Kougaiji had embraced Dokugakuji in the moment and Dokugakuji had locked his arms around Kougaiji's waist. When Kougaiji could breathe again, nose to nose with Dokugakuji and yet more intimately close than mere proximity could approximate, he felt no further from him than if he were housed in his very heart.

Dokugakuji leaned in again, his mouth one tiny shift from claiming Kougaiji's again, but he only whispered: “That's how it's gonna be. You and me, 'til the end.” He tapped the other side of Kougaiji's neck. “And when you're ready, Yaone too. I've got another scent spot she can break, and so do you.”

“Someday, yes. I'm already nervous enough bringing you this close.” He slid his hand down Dokugakuji's shoulder and arm to grasp his hand. “Everything I love is on the line, and the more obvious that love...” He trailed off, turning his eyes down to the ground, and sighed. Dokugakuji squeezed his fingers.

“Yeah. I know. I know you're scared. But look at me.” He touched his nose to Kougaiji's, until Kougaiji batted his eyes up again, to see Dokugakuji smiling. “You're my prince, my alpha, and I'm yours. We're going to make it through this. You've got nothing to be scared of.”

“Just you, Yaone, and our daughter pinned to another pillar when Koushu escalates.” Kougaiji shivered, but he squeezed Dokugakuji's hand again. “I won't let it happen.”

“You won't let it happen.” Dokugakuji kissed his forehead, and drew him close.

Kougaiji felt comfort in Dokugakuji's arms, not just from the warmth of his embrace, but the sense of trust he got from his partner. That trust, the admiration, the love he got from those who loved him and who he loved in return. That would be his strength. He was alpha, man, and prince, and that would be his duty. He could no longer hide what he was, and he would fight for the moment when he could walk proudly as a youkai, truly unafraid of the consequences of that.

 


	5. What Are You Afraid Of?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kougaiji has done everything in his power to protect his pack, and yet he remains afraid...

**Epilogue: What Are You Afraid Of?**

“You're sure you're well enough?” Kougaiji didn't dare broach a whisper in the halls of Houtou, even if Dokugakuji was the only one in earshot. He didn't trust the walls here. “It's only been a few weeks.”

“Hey, I'm not all the way there, but I'm most of the way there.” Dokugakuji plucked at the front of his tunic. “Besides, if I don't get back in action, I ain't ever gonna lose the rest of the baby weight.” Kougaiji stifled a disagreement, but shook his head.

“That doesn't matter.” He huffed, but drew his fists tight and marched on. “I could make excuses for you.”

“You said she summoned me specifically.” Dokugakuji was quiet for a moment, as a chill ran down Kougaiji's spine. “She probably knows you're gonna need your best muscle for this.”

“I wish it were that simple.”

Dokugakuji was quiet again, but he put his hand over Kougaiji's for a second, enough contact to be felt but not enough that anyone else would notice. “Relax.” He grinned, tilting his chin roguishly. “You and me, we got this. I'm right here with you. What are you afraid of?”

That question would haunt Kougaiji.

Dokugakuji stood at his side as they received their orders, growling softly as she emasculated Kougaiji. Kougaiji felt him grip his hand tight, felt his rage through their bond burning in his soul, as sure as Dokugakuji felt his own.

Kougaiji hated the orders. Manipulating civilians, the subterfuge, putting hundreds of humans at risk and throwing youkai soldiers into a well-guarded palace? And yet Kougaiji felt his heart freeze when Gyokumen Koushu run her claws over the stone image of his mother. Her fingertips surely singed at the touch of the wards, yet she smirked at him as easily as any coquette luring in a suitor. It was painfully clear: do what Koushu wanted or lose any chance of ever speaking to his mother again.

He couldn't turn back, he couldn't give up. If he failed here, he lost something that couldn't be replaced.

_What are you afraid of?_

Dokugakuji held his hand, held him back, supported him without question. Kougaiji was caught between wishing they could bring Yaone and being thankful she hadn't been summoned, because he couldn't trust anyone else with watching Kuzai. Not now, not when Gyokumen was already closing the noose around him.

How could they know what they faced in Sharak Sanzo's fortress?

Kougaiji felt sick when he felt the wash of ki from the broken bell, of Sharak Sanzo's spell breaking, and it wasn't just the black magic. Dokugakuji looked a little dizzied, too, but he didn't complain. “I'm with you, Kou, just tell me what to do.”

“Stay at my side.” Kougaiji didn't want to lose sight of him in the fray. Dokugakuji was confident in the face of danger, as he ever was, but Kougaiji had never been as confident as what others thought of him. He was only ever as strong as he needed to be. Today, he needed to be as strong and powerful as he'd ever been, for the sake of his mother, his lovers, his family, his people, everything he cared about. Dokugakuji was just the closest. How could he seem so strong so effortlessly?

_What are you afraid of?_

He couldn't have expected that Genjo Sanzo would be there. He was shocked at first, then, when he realized Genjo was alone, thought he might be able to handle him alone. Dokugakuji may not have agreed, but Kougaiji still sent him away to try to claim the other sutra while Sharak was defenseless. Kougaiji thought dealing with Genjo would be effortless, or at least that Dokugakuji might be safer away from this fight.

Even with Sharak Sanzo's lackeys chasing him, Kougaiji had to turn his back on Dokugakuji.

He couldn't protect him, and that scared him.

Dokugakuji shouted somewhere in the distance, and that scared him.

_What are you afraid of?_

He'd nearly had Genjo, but somehow, looking into his eyes made it impossible to strike him down. He'd pulled his punch, but Genjo had taken the brunt of what force he'd given. Even with Kougaiji holding back, he should have been dead. Kougaiji should have been plucking that sutra off of his shoulders, reuniting with Dokugakuji, and returning to Houtou with two sutras in hand.

What had he thought would happen? That he would succeed, and suddenly all would be right again? Gyokumen Koushu would vanish and take his father's fetid corpse with her? His mother would be freed of her imprisonment? Did he honestly think he would ever walk up the steps to his home, the seat of his people's power, to find his mother holding his infant daughter, his mates waiting for him, everything important to him safe and secured?

Had he ever thought that he might had that? That such a life might have existed for him? Had he ever thought that possibility was something that could be lost?

If ever he had such delusions, they were wiped away when that strange boy appeared, and he found himself in the crosshairs.

_What are you afraid of?_

The first blow should have killed him. He knew that just looking at the broken, melted corpses of those he had called comrade as that boy demolished them as easily as a giant stomping on ants. It was mere luck that he was only grazed, but it was enough to send him flying back into a wall.

It was catastrophe when that boy lined up his next shot, and though Kougaiji could lift his head just enough to see that infernal light on the boy's fingertips, his narrow shoulders squared on him, he was too weak and dazed to move on his own power.

It was nothing short of tragedy when Dokugakuji appeared again, screaming his name, sword drawn, to stand between Kougaiji and death. Kougaiji saw his silhouette against the bright light, saw him take the blow, and then knew nothing.

Kougaiji wasn't certain he would ever know anything again.

Not when he came to, only to find Dokugakuji had dragged him away from the wreckage and into his own ruination. He was bleeding, soaked red, and still panting for air as if he might ever really fill his lungs again. Kougaiji could see the trail of blood that led to where they lay, and he couldn't be sure how much of it was his or how much of it was Dokugakuji's.

Even in his condition, he'd done everything his body could for Kougaiji's sake.

“Just hold on, I can get the dragon,” Kougaiji pleaded as he got to a shaking stand, gritting his teeth hard. “Dokugaku, just you wait, I'll call the dragon right now-”

“It's ... red.” Dokugakuji's mouth barely moved as he spoke. “It … it always gets me in trouble.” His skin seemed to be peeling away, cracking like shattered stone. “We escaped together,” he wheezed. “Or, close enough ... it's good.”

“Dokugaku, no.” Kougaiji cradled his face as he coughed. Blood sputtered from between his lips. “Don't speak, save your strength, you'll make it-”

“Hey.” Dokugakuji laid a weak hand over his. Kougaiji could feel his pulse burning against their bond mark, and he gripped Dokugakuji's hand in return. “I wanted to thank you … a million times … I just wanted to wait until …”

“Stop it, Dokugaku.” Kougaiji squeezed his eyes shut, his face burning hot with pain. “You're talking like – we have to go back, to Kuzai, to Yaone, we have to live!” Nothing else mattered, not the sutras, not the Sanzos, not the youkai, Kougaiji would have traded it all for the strength and speed to carry Dokugakuji to safety, but Dokugakuji had already made his peace. He wasn't fighting back anymore.

Dokugakuji planted a big head on his head and squeezed his hair. His gaze was unfocused, looking at, through, past him, into the sky, into eternity. “Don't cry, okay?”

Dokugakuji's hand fell away.

_What are you afraid of?_

Kougaiji screamed senselessly at a moon that watched without words, merciless and heartless as all of his fears came true.

* * *

Yaone could smell something was wrong the moment she burst through the cabin doors. She'd heard the call at Houtou, but by the time she'd gotten to the dock, if Kougaiji had been there, he was gone. Dokugakuji wasn't there either, and that just made the bitter scent in her home break her heart all the more.

Kougaiji was doubled over at Kuzai's crib, sobbing openly, his whole body rocking, clutching Kuzai to his chest. She cried, too, reedy and weak, though she couldn't know why. Kougaiji's rough growl said it all: "She knows, she can smell it, she knows her dam is dead."

Yaone's heart hit the floor, and she very nearly sank after it, only just managing to stay upright. Still, the thought reverberated through her, shaking her and never quite settling, he's dead, he's dead, Dokugakuji is dead. She reached a trembling hand out to Kougaiji as he sobbed again and clutched Kuzai even tighter.

"Kougaiji, I ... he ... we'll ... we still have each other." She swallowed thickly, not knowing what else to say as tears flooded her eyes. She could feel the last mark Dokugakuji had left on her burning like a brand now, pain radiating through her sole as she tried to process the loss. She staggered another step towards Kougaiji, who hadn't moved from the place where he'd collapsed, his embrace of his baby daughter too tight. "Can I ... please let me hold you, Lord Kougaiji."

"I failed him," Kougaiji went on as if he hadn't heard, and he rubbed his cheek to Kuzai's. "I failed him, and I failed her, and I failed you, I failed you as a man, a prince, and an alpha, and I-" He choked on his words and retched out another sob: "I promised I'd protect them. I thought we could live the way we were meant to, and I was meant to protect you. I promised. It was my job, and I failed her."

Kougaiji broke and wept openly into Kuzai, and Yaone let herself collapse beside him, over his back, into what remained of her pack, keenly and painfully aware of all they had lost. One third of their bond. One third of their love. One third of their future, and so much more that Kuzai would never have without one of her parents. Kougaiji reached through his senses, fumbling for one last grasp at Dokugakuji's presence in his soul, but it was gone, a hollow left in its place, a hole that could never be filled. Kougaiji cried for his mate, Yaone wept for her lovers, and Kuzai wailed because even she could sense that something was wrong and would never be right again.

Their happiness had been poisoned.

 

 

**END**


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